New: : Miss Destiny – Law and Order

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Every single part of the latest one from Miss Destiny is fucking perfect. It’s headbanger heaven, a song that’ll claw it’s way to your heart, a guitar riff so mean that it’ll put your head through a wall, and repeat the process ’til you’re unconscious and bleeding.

When those growls of “The only thing worse than law is orderer, watch out cos I’ve got something for yaaaaaa!” explode into the ears, it’s the most badass thing I’ve heard in months. It’s guttural and piercing and exhilarating, the coolest fucking thing to come out of Melbourne since…shit, nothing really compares to how raw and bloodshot this song is! Just listen in, raise your goddamn fist, and heave in time to the cruel, unrelenting power of Miss Destiny!

If you do one thing today – make sure it’s that you listen to this song, and then spread it like a goddamn virus.

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Album Review: Dead Farmers – Wasteland

From the opening chords of “Love”, it becomes bleedingly obvious that you’re going to lose some capacity of your hearing in engaging with the latest record from Dead Farmers. One of Sydney’s most beloved punk rock bands, a maelstrom of exciting riff punches to the gut both on record and onstage, Dead Farmers return from the FUCKING DEAD to unleash some of the most basic and brutal rock ‘n’ roll this side of Motorhead.

The most striking thing that has occurred between the release of Dead Farmers’ debut, and their follow up in ‘Wasteland’, is that Dead Farmers seem to have slowed down. Not in a tired way, or in a concentrated effort, but in a fashion that accentuates their ability to bludgeon. On  ‘Go Home’, things were possessed by a youthful energy that was like the Energiser Bunny being fed pure Columbian coke at his first Big Day Out. ‘Wasteland’ swarms with a hugeness that is belying, layering bolted riff upon bolted riff with an intention of building up the sort of temple to garage rock you wouldn’t mind praying at. And then, it all comes crashing down with the fell swoop of jaw dropping solos. Every single fucking song on ‘Wasteland’ has a guitar solo, and each one makes you break you the air guitar with terrifying consistency.

‘Wasteland’ isn’t really a record that ebbs and flows, or moves around much, but this works as a positive for Dead Farmers. It allows them to concentrate on their no-bullshit approach. There’s not studio trickery, no warping of material. There’s no GLOSS, nor polish. What you see is what you get, deal with it. Frills are for the weak, Dead Farmers is for the legends. They’re happy to maintain at a squalling pace, a gutter from where they can thrash and wail. The trio of Daniel, David and Daniel are the punter’s punter, tirelessly punching and bleeding away, the audio equivalent of Muhammad Ali vs. Sonny Liston.

The MC5 seems like such an obvious reference point for Dead Farmers, but it’s also the truest. Both are loud, suffocatingly so. When a Dead Farmers song comes on, it has the exact same effect as hearing “Kick Out the Jams” for the first time. You become enthralled with the sheer avalanche of guitars, rolling bludgeons of pure buzzsaw guitar slicing you apart at the seams. Your sanity wanes, you become more focused than you ever have in your entire goddamn life, and you punch a hole in the nearest fucking wall, whilst unleashing a warcry the world shrivels in fear from: “CAN’T GO! CAN’T GO! CAN’T GO ALONE!”. The only way to describe this album is solid. Just really, really fucking solid.

Dead Farmers have organised one hell of a launch – Friday 20th March at The Valve Bar on Broadway. Red Red Krovvy are making the rare trip to Sydney as well for a 7″ launch, and Roamin’ Catholics and Aloha Units are playing as well. $10. See ya there.

New: Dead Farmers – Can’t Go

As far as no-bullshit, straightforward bands go, Sydney’s Dead Farmers sit atop the pile, blasting any doubters right in the face with tumultuous rays of forthright garage pulverisation.

“Can’t Go” marks the band’s long awaited return, and fiery gunshot of power chords and fuzz. Their energy is relentless, a gnashing overhaul of the senses. If you feel down in the dumps, put this on, and feel your spirits become electrified by the power of pure and unadulterated rock ‘n’ roll.

Not since MC5 brought out ‘Kick Out The Jams’ has such fun loving fury been caught to tape. Get around it.

New Punk: Red Red Krovvy + Satanic Rockers + Moonboat + Meter Men + POWER + Dribble

I really wanted to title this New Noise, because the bands on here are ready to blow out your fucking eardrums. But then I’d be naming it after a Refused song, and I kinda didn’t want to do that.

Red Red Krovvy – Real Life

This is about as short and sharp as they come. It’s like X-Rey Spex if they turned into the Hulk, just broad shoulders bulldozing everything in its path. This song is pure fire, ready to burn down your fucking brain from the inside out. The bellows on here are staunch and terrifying. If you have loose bowels, shit now.

Red Red Krovvy play at The Valve Bar in Broadyway tonight! With Housewives, Sweat Tongue, and Meat Tray.

Satanic Rockers – Death Sentence

Fucking hell, this shit is like having your skull shoved into a running treadmill that’s compromised of gravel. This is noisy, bludgeoning death music, like being choked out by Chrome. Like Ghastly Spats, the noises produced on here are pure B-Grade horror, the darkest thing to have been released in Australia in a long time. The vocals are dripping with foreshadowings of destruction.

Moonboat – Spirit Panther

Who even knows where to begin on this one? On one hand, there’s hellfire being spewed like volcanic diarrhea, like “Hellpipes” and “Greybomber”. Then later down the album, these very strange, almost indie-rock pieces rock up, but they’re sprawling works. ‘Spirit Panther’ is interesting, and it constantly evolves, like chucking cheat codes into Pokemon. Basically, Moonboat are Australia’s Deafheaven.

Meter Men – Severed Relations

If you haven’t already, get yourself nice and bloody familiar with Helta Skelta Records. Fuck me, this stuff is so immediate and bloodthirsty, it makes me sweat under my armpits. It’s like having the Gutter Gods become even more brutally skin-peeling. Lo-fi recording, mind-crushing drums, and buzzsaw guitars that sound like they could fell the Amazon, Meter Man are fucking insane.

POWER – Puppy

Holy shit, POWER are amazing! They blast through with this early Replcaments-esque rock star posturing, but it’s flayed alive by the furiosity of the riffs and crashing noise. This is 80’s speed metal funnelled into a pub rock atmosphere. If Radio Birdman had been introduced to Slayer, something like this could have existed before now. Let’s just count ourselves lucky that POWER exist in this present universe.

Dribble – Girl of My Dreams

Another one from the amazing Cool Death Records, it’s new stuff from Melbourne gutter punks Dribble. Possessing a lot of the same bratty, punishing snot that propelled Circle Pit, Drown Under and Ausmuteants, Dribble power through this 3 minute thrill injection, splintering ears with all sorts of heart-in-your-throat guitar wailing, settling down for a second, and then exploding back into chaos. Fuck, this is insane.

New Aus Music: Charles Buddy Daaboul + Lucy Cliche + Rat Columns + Martyr Privates + North Arm

Ahhh, old mate ‘Straya. Sun is shining, birds are chirping, crocs are snapping the limbs off wayward tourists. Just another day in our sunburnt country. No better way to enjoy it that with some quality chunes.

Charles Buddy Daaboul-Toohey’s New

If anyone can ever recite the opening monologue to this song word for word, I will straight up submit myself to them for the rest of my life. Although I’m a Resch’s man myself (I use the term ‘man’ incredibly loosely), this ode to Australia’s second greatest beer, and by that extension, past-time, is damn glorious. Set with a glazed guitar line, and some clucking percussion, this song works so well in its simplicity. Goddamn, the way that this man wrings the blues from his guitar will never cease to amaze me.

Lucy Cliche-Shallow Shadow

When the new single from Lucy Cliche starts, sounding like a submarine being birthed into deep space by a pregnant Roland, you just fucking know it’s going to be an absolutely killer tune. Dark, robotic terror gets rained down in electronic shards, more or less disintegrating the listener with sheer glare. If this song were a potion, it’d be super deadly. Like, King Cobra deadly. That’s like, the deadliest you can get. But seriously, this song is all kinds of amazing, and my shitty jokes aren’t doing it justice.

Also, Lucy Cliche is playing support this Friday for Lace Curtain at Good God…woah. That’s going to be insane.

Rat Columns-Another Day

Out of the doom and gloom comes Rat Columns. David West is one part of the aforementioned Lace Curtain (!), and he’s also a mighty contributor to the jaw-droppingly good Total Control. On top of that, his solo project takes its queues from neither of those. Rat Columns is steeped in the lore of guitar pop, both of the Flying Nun and Matador origins. Recite that back to yourself in a David Attenborough voice, and tell me I don’t write like a goddamn scientist. I dare thee!

Anyway, new track ‘Another Day’ is like if Elliot Smith had a good day. Very tranquil and kind of delicate, but slowly building towards a strong pop aesthetic that bands like The Stevens and Dick Diver contain when they’re at their best.

Lace Curtain are playing this Friday at Good God (LA DE FUCKING DA, THAT’S OLD NEWS) and Rat Columns are going to be appearing at the jizz-tastic R.I.P Society 5th Birthday Party at the Opera House this Saturday, along with every other good band ever (Housewives, Woollen Kits, Bed Wettin’ Bad Boys, FUCKING FEEDTIME)

Martyr Privates-Something to Sell

You can’t get more lackadaisical than a Martyr Privates track. This new one of theirs is no exception, featuring a drawl that’d put Mick Molloy to shame. It’s a guttural, rotten toothed, gum-infected ode to fucking up relationships, and holy shit is that applicable to a lot of people. Pretty similar escapades going on here as the aforementioned BWBB and Woollen Kits, the drawl and fuzz-centric guitar cocoon are what make this song a good fucking listen. I’d give the track 3 thumbs up if I were a mutant.

North Arm-Hollow Days

I’ve got a pretty killer headache right now, probably because Metallica’s ‘Kill ‘Em All’ has been ringing in my ears all day. But North Arm’s ‘Hollow Days’ searches to rectify that, or at least, ensure that the pain subsides to a somewhat endurable level. ‘Holloy Days’ is very beautiful, which is to be expected from an ex-Firekites member. It’s pretty enchanting stuff, and the fact that it helped the kraken-awakening headache mellow to gentle-kick-in-the-temple is mighty reassuring.

 

 

Top 10 Australian Albums of 2013

Whoomp, there it is! Or, to be more grammatically correct, here it is. Because, y’know, you’re reading this off some sort of screen, which is on front of you, and not somewhere else, which is what the preposition of there implies.

Look, I was trying to make a reference to Tag Team’s 1993 smash hit, and smoothly initiate an article about the best Australian albums of 2013, but it failed in a brutal showing of grammatical error. Anyway, as I clumsily try to regain my poise, let me say that 2013 has been a killer year for Australian records. On the International scene, there haven’t been absolutely tonnes of records that have held people’s gaze for the full year, but in Aussie-land, home of snuggies and the ‘ocker’ stereotype, there have been leaps and bounds in every genre available. Its cruel to pick just ten, but here we are, in a state of despair. Woe is I, for we art doomed to live in a state of existential pit of despair wrought by picking just ten albums for lists. Please….empathise.

Super Dooper Special (as in all tied Equal 11th) mentions go to Scott & Charlene’s Wedding, The Ocean Party, Day Ravies, Unity Floors, and Ooga Boogas.

Special Mentions go to Clowns, Amateur Drunks, Standish/Carlyon, Pikelet, The Living Eyes, Golden Blonde, Ausmuteants, The Drones and The Native Cats.

Super Duper Ultra Special Metal Album: Zeahorse-Pools

The sludge! The intensity! The gruel! Its like Jack Black once said in Tenacious D’s ‘The Metal’, ‘…you can’t kill the metal, the metal will live on’. As it does on Zeahorse’s debut record ‘Pools’. Stagnant marshes of filthy reverb and disgusting bass-lines make this a riveting listen, plunging you head first into a swirling world full of blackness and awesome sludgery.

10. Yes, I’m Leaving-Mission Bulb

Not since Fugazi has a punk band come so blindingly close to marrying the intense anti-establishment message of punk with blindingly good melodies. For Yes, I’m Leaving, a band with both an excellent name, a fantastic live show and even greater songs, its just another day making great fucking songs. Yes, I’m Leaving don’t really make a misstep on ‘Mission Bulb’, just chugging out those razor sharp punk songs like they’re a supergroup made from Patti Smith, Ian McKaye, Keith Morris, and Jello Biafra, and the old guy with a sledge hammer on the cover is replaced by Henry Rollins. Perfection!

9. Primitive Calculators-The World Is Fucked

Never have you heard something as vicious and in-your-face until you’ve witnessed the sheer terror of a Prim Calcs track. Finally, after all this time…the band have gotten around to releasing a debut studio album. Its not like Australia’s been waiting over thirty years for this thing! Thankfully, the album paid off like robbing a bank vault Die Hard 3 style, both a physical and emotional pay-off. Not for a moment do the band let up, blasting our brain cells one super charged synth-punk anthem after another.

8. Bed Wettin’ Bad Boys-Ready For Boredom

Another debut record, another awesome band name. You could say its a combination of the previous two entries, but you’d be wrong because the Bad Boys sound fuck all like the other two bands. Instead, they pick up where The Replacements left off on ‘Pleased to Meet Me’-emotionally charged everyman’s rock n roll. It belongs in a pub, three-schooners-down, with one eye on the rugby game in the corner and one eye on its uncertain future. However, if the band can keep churning out the hit factory and overall nice package that is ‘Ready For Boredom’, they should be sorted for a very long time.

7. King Gizzard & the Lizard Wizard-Float Along-Fill Your Lungs

I’ve said it once, I’ve said it a million times-King Jizz are the Darwin Evolution theory in practice. Starting out with bare-bones ramshackle rock n roll and slowly developing into the psych rock band we now see a year and a half later. However, they never lost any of the zeal and flavour they had on the ‘Willoughby’s Beach EP’ way back when, and can still manage to excite and boner-ise with their longer stuff as they can with any two minute electric shock.

6. POND-Hobo Rocket

Its a mini-album, deal with it. It was still too awesome to leave off the list. Its over-the-top glam rock, but not as you know it. If David Bowie was gobbled by some sort of psychedelic monster, and laid to waste by a plethora of Wayne Coyne clones, then you might get something as fun, frantic and off the fucking hook as ‘Hobo Rocket’. It dodges, dips, dives, ducks and dodges between all different sorts of vibes and frequencies, a restless creature if you’ve ever heard one. And boy, does it fucking sound amazing.

5. Cut Copy-Free Your Mind

‘Free Your Mind’ can’t really be defined as a return to form because Cut Copy never lost their form (go listen to ‘Zonoscope’ again, and try to feel any inkling of disappointment). Instead, ‘Free Your Mind’ continues the Cut Copy legacy, leaping and bounding into acid-house territory. The Madchester warehouse vibes are certainly there, mingling with the indie pop sensibility that Cut Copy own so hard like I own a massive Sonic Youth poster so hard. You’ll dance, you’ll think, you’ll cry and you’ll dance again, all within the confines of ‘Meet Me in a House of Love’. Isn’t Cut Copy just the greatest invention?

4. Violent Soho-Hungry Ghost

The cover-a skeleton engulfed in flames. Now that’s how you garner some fucking attention. Or, you could just stir up some of the most heart-pounding, adrenaline-inducing, mouth-watering rock songs this side of ‘Smells Like Teen Spirit’. Most of the songs on ‘Hungry Ghost’ are anthems, no doubt about it. Try to listen to a chorus of ‘Hell FUCK YEAH!’ without forming some sort of death circle in whatever location you happen to be in. In completely unrelated news, death by moshpits have gone up 215% in nursing homes that play Triple J. But that’s not all there is to ‘Hungry Ghost’, as the team manage to cook up a couple of heart-warming surprises throughout. More delicious than an angel made of bacon.

3. Palms-Step-Brothers

I guess the reason why Palms are such a great band is because they’re doing something that’s been done so many times before, but putting such an original stamp on it, that you can’t help but do a quintuple take. That’s right, your head will spin a minimum of five times as you try to reconsider your life without Palms in it. There’s so much to swallow when listening to ‘Step Brothers’, but not in a bad way. No, going through this, you’ll be gulping through as much musical content as possible to get all that Palm-y goodness in your spirit ASAP.

2. The Gooch Palms-Novo’s

Speaking of Palms, The Gooch Palms came in with one of the strongest musical entities of the year. However, whilst Palms channel Springsteen, Goochies are all about The Ramones. Bratty, snotty punk, farted out into the willing ears of all lucky enough to listen. However, The Gooch Palms show a surprising diversity, and with the mixture of shameless pop ballads, rain-soaked bummer ear-catchers and leather-jacket FUCK YEWWW’s, you can’t feel bored, even for a second. Rock n Roll runs in the veins of Kat and Leroy and to deny them of that would mean to say that this album doesn’t make you immediately want to strip off all your clothes, run down a highway and spread the word of the Almighty Gooch.

P.S The Gooch Palms and Palms are teaming up for a tour called Palmarama, and they’re playing Oxford Arts Factory on Friday, 28th February. Miss this and perish in a pit of regret.

1. TV Colours-Purple Skies, Toxic River

Surprise, fucking surprise. The album that I can never stop blabbering about comes in at No. 1 on my list of the top Australian records of 2013. Bias aside, if you don’t like this album, then seriously, nothing can be done for you. You are a lost cause. A total travesty of a human being. This album is perfection, a lulling, mesmerising concoction of deadly riffs, lo-fi production, cheesy synths and samples, rolled into a bundle of delights that the world has never seen before. Even though Bobby Kill took two years to make this record, it was worth every minute of waiting for this fucking masterpiece. God Bless TV Colours!

New: Red Red Krovvy-EZ Video

Short. Sharp. Brutal as Fuck. These words describe Red Red Krovvy to completion. Listening to Red Red Krovvy is a fucking experience, because by the end of a single song, you’ll have your ears razed, your brain fried and your head an exploded mess. As your brain slowly drips off the walls, you’ll realise how much you love Australian punk music, and that Red Red Krovvy are at the forefront of that movement.

‘EZ Video’ is just one of the songs from an upcoming Red Red Krovvy 7″ that’s coming out on RIP Society. The song is like if The Slits were modernised and then disembowelled by a herd of banshees. But never fear, as they become Bruce Campbell-ised, gain a chainsaw arm and proceed to kick more ass than all three Evil Dead movies combined.

New: M.O.B-Goodbye Horses (Q Lazzarus cover)

You probably know ‘Goodbye Horses’ as that song from Silence of the Lambs, the ‘would you fuck me?…I’d fuck me….I’d fuck me so hard’ BOOM Mangina! bit. You probably know M.O.B as that band…actually you probably don’t know M.O.B.

But that’s okay, because this excellent cover will initiate you into their weird post-punk noise. The original ‘Goodbye Horses’ by Q Lazzarus holds an element of going it alone, of the protagonist holding an uncertain courage and the song acts as a triumphant blast for them. M.O.B’s cover brings a sinister levelling to the track, shortening down the mystery of the track, and adding a layer of directness that gives it a psycho look in its eye. The keys that were once soft and glistening turn razor sharp, the hinges of the door Buffalo Bill swings open just before he kidnaps and kills a young fat girl.

If you want to see M.O.B in action (and why wouldn’t you? Are you insane?) you can catch them at the R.I.P Society showcase at the Factory Theatre on Sunday the 20th of November, which is tomorrow. Bed Wettin’ Bad Boys will also be bringin’ tha thunder, as are Destiny 3000, and a bunch of other awesome acts.

Video: Constant Mongrel-In the Courts

Oooooft! If this doesn’t describe suburban monotony to its most mind-numbing lengths, then i don’t know what will. The video for the Constant Mongrel single ‘In the Courts’ captures the raw, haphazard nature of the band and the song incredibly well. Every time that chorus comes around of ‘aaaaaah, in the courts!’ I get a buzzing feeling in my toes, which either means it’s going to rain kinda soon, or that this song kicks ass. I’m going with the latter.

For a free track from their second album ‘Heavy Breathing’, which came out earlier this year, go to Constant Mongrel’s Bandcamp, right here.

Video: The Native Cats-Cavalier

Allright! Debut music video from Tassie’s finest, The Native Cats! Featuring the deadliest bass riff since Fugazi’s ‘Waiting Room’, this song kicks so much ass, its like the Bruce Lee of songs. Minimalist, but densely packed at the same time, the clip reflects the song well. You’ve got a red lipstick/stubble combo, random sputterings of commercialism crossed with the band, and a Nintendo DS providing a jittery, bugs-crawling-up-your skin rhythm that can only be described as mind-fuckingly good. Goddamn do I love this song, and goddamn do I love this clip.

You can catch The Native Cats doing their thing in the flesh next Saturday, on the 28th of September, at The Red Rattler. Even better, they’ll be doing it with TV Colours. These bands have released two of the finest Australian releases of the year, so it just makes sense that they’d be joining forces for a bombastic reunion of goodness.