Video: Pissed Jeans – Boring Girls

Think back to a time before Total Punk and Ausmuteants existed, before you could get decent fucked up punk music delivered to you as easily as ordering a heart-attack inducing Domino’s Pizza. That time was 2005, when Myspace was still relevant, and Alexisonfire where inexplicably a ‘punk band’. It was also when Pissed Jeans, a band with a name to rival our own Slug Guts, released their debut record ‘Shallow’, a fiery brew of sneering, bloody music that could only be played on loud speakers.

Sub Pop is going to re-release ‘Shallow’ (they’re also doing a Sleater-Kinney boxset, hey), and they’ve made a cool lil’ video to go along with the searing “Boring Girls”. It’s a searing bludgeoning deathknell, accompanied by the most brutal microphone batterings since ‘Damaged’. But with “Boring Girls”, there’s an added menace in the chorus and depraved lyrics.

The video is fucking amazing as well. Fucking amazing. There are multiple switches from suit to PJ’s for our unlikely, creepy protagonist. There’s a whole bunch of supernatural shit that goes down and scares the shit out of the same guy who was dumb enough to have a date around the same place that he stores a photograph of said date. SILLY BRO! A bunch of horrific shit goes down that makes American Horror Story’s gimp suit guy seem like a badly rendered Runescape goblin.

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Top 10 Band Names of 2013

ImageWarning: If you’re over 30 you might not want to read this list. Unless, you’re Bill Murray.

It’s a well known fact that if you have a great name as a band, you will garner some attention. Sure, that attention will last approximately 2 weeks, and be compromised of shocked, right-wing mothers and punk kids trying way too hard to piss of their parents, like myself. However, if you can back that up with some great music, then what’s the worry?

Here are the Top 10 band names that stick out in my mind. Most of them have really good music, and you should definitely check them out. Some of them suck. Make up your own mind. Here they are, the bands with the most unique names of 2013:

10. Fuck Buttons-I talk about Fuck Buttons pretty much non-stop. In the lead up to their gig on Thursday, I must have said their name a minimum of 4000 times, and shocked quite a few bystanders in the process. However, besides havin a cuss word in their name, Fuck Buttons prove they can back their ‘controversial’ name with some killer tunes, like ‘The Red Wing’.

9. Pissed Jeans-Another great fringe band with a great name and better music. Pissed Jeans blend hardcore with gargled regurgitation, coming out like a Elmo in a blender with gnarled guitars and a bloodthirsty bassline. Listening to Pissed Jeans is like having Genghis Khan shoot the shit with you whilst he’s in the middle of drug rehabilitation, and is fiendin’ for some meth. If listening to ‘Bathroom Laughter’ doesn’t either make you shit yourself in fear, or get excited to dangerous levels, then you’re deaf.

8. Lightning Swords of Death- Lightning Swords of Death are a black metal band. and because my knowledge of black metal extends as far as ‘that’s the church-burning stuff from Norway right?’, I was kind of surprised when I downloaded ‘Vorticating Into Scars’ on the basis of the band’s awesome name, and was instantly flooded by a sound not dissimilar to Satan shitting blood on your face. Each to their own, but it must be said these guys have a great band name.

7. Yes, I’m Leaving-Yes, I’m Leaving have been around for a very long time, but their name is fucking fantastic (as does their 2013 album ‘Mission Bulb’, you’d be hard pressed to find a better Aussie punk album this year). The simple message of those three words is damn powerful, surmising that yes, its time to fuck off, and no, you can’t stop us.

6. Vulture Shit-Vulture Shit have the whole imagery thing down pat. When listening to ‘I Love The Way He Touches His Computer’, and silently contemplating destroying a hotel room, you can almost see a sinister vulture blatantly shitting all over  your previous conceptions that punk was dead.

5. Scott & Charlene’s Wedding-The project of Craig Dermody, slacker superstar, Scott & Charlene’s Wedding has tad more romantic connotations than, say, The Clits. Its a reference to that massive episode of Neighbours, when our titular characters got hitched. It was a pretty monumental moment in Australian television history, along with Cathy Freeman winning a running race and the first time How I Met Your Mother was aired on Channel 7. Anyway, Scott and Charlene’s Wedding (the band) make some fucking great jangle tracks, such as ‘Lesbian Wife’. However, you have been warned, once you listen to that song, good fucking luck trying to get it out of your head. Its the ‘Call Me Maybe’ for people with taste.

4. Bed Wettin’ Bad Boys-One of Sydney’s greatest bands, possibly one of the greatest in Australia. From love-torn ballads, to down-n-out slacker anthems, the Bad Boys make just plain great music for the average guy. Its like the love child between Alex Chilton and Paul Westerberg, only with a way cooler band name.

3. The Gooch Palms- Ahhh, The Goochies. What’s not to love about them? From regular onstage nudity, to raw garage punk infused with pop sensibility, to their no-bullshit attitude in live performance and music. However, for most, their name will be the thing to strike an unassuming radio listener. Gooch? As in, that hairy thing between your legs? Ewwwwww. Then ‘We Get By’ comes on, and all you’ll be able to think about from that point on is how fucking great a band The Gooch Palms are.

2. Diarrhea Planet- There was a story earlier this year about a grandma who got royally pissed off because her grandson wanted to buy the new Diarrhea Planet record. I think the thing we can garner from this is that her grandson has excellent taste in music. ‘Seperations’ is one of the better tracks of this year, and I doubt many people would have heard it if that name didn’t make you turn your head like witnessing Roadrunner getting his neck snapped by Wil E. Coyote.

1. Girls Pissing on Girls Pissing- Ah, finally, the crux of the article amirite? Actually, the whole point of this story was kind of just to show off the brand new song, ‘A Fraud Abroad’, by Girls Pissing On Girls. Its an absolute stunner of a track from the Kiwi group, and one that really shouldn’t go unrecognised. But don’t take that to mean these guys don’t have one of the best names in the world. Next time you want to be all mad-rebel-ish, just tell your Mum that your new favourite band is Girls Pissing on Girls Pissing, and see where that gets you. Actually, once you have a listen, they probably will be your new favourite band, so you won’t even have to lie. It’s a win-win!

Drown Under-Suger Daddy

Pretty potent Sydney based rock n roll on display here, from the Pixies-meets-Pissed Jeans band Drown Under. These guys are an immortal combination of members from the bands Circle Pit, Whores, Housewives, Snotty Babies and Ghastly Spats. Do you see the recurring theme of cynical gothy punk bands? The result of this is ‘Sugar Daddy’, a Sonic Youth Goo-era piece of nihilstic sexy black punk. It’s got overtly Australian vocals, a mind melting guitar solo, and a bass line more acidic than a Butthole Surfers show. ‘The boys get busy, while the girls get high/freak show, death row every night’ is an example of the super cool, black lipstick smudged lunacy to be heard. To quote the Dandy Warhols (who are the exact opposite of Drown Under) it’s as cool as Kim Deal.