New: Mystery Date + Petty Things + Pop Zeus + Honey Bucket + Slim Wray

Today’s edition of new shit is brought to you by the letter Gnar Tapes (and Real Numbers’ side projects/ unruly riff rock)

Mystery Date-You And Your Sister 7″

Mystery Date is like the best version of The Replacements, somewhere between ‘Let It Be’ and ‘Tim’. It’s punk rock, but it’s got a loud, brash pop spirit to it that makes young girls’ hearts melt, and boys swoon with jealousy. Only a 7″, it’s a real shame that this thing isn’t longer. Like, say it was four albums worth of material, I still don’t think I’d get sick of it. Because reality is a cruel bitch, intent on ruining my life, this 7″ will have to do for now. In that, it provides an immediacy, the fact remaining that you only have approximately nine minutes to shake your ass as much as you can, you fat tub of lard. Move those man-boobs up and down to the guitar solos, pulverise your oversized rump to the pop-punk legacy that’s still alive and well, and before you know it, you’ll be looking like Glenn Danzig.

Petty Things-Year of the Dog

I posted about Arizona’s Petty Things a while back, with their ‘Bored’ single blowing the fuck off my expectations, mind, and causing a singeing to my genital area that hasn’t been since Shatner fucked that green chick.

Anyway, the band are back with a full length. It includes the aforementioned ball-bustingly good ‘Bored’, as well as 9 (or 10, if you got the Bonus Track Version, or BTV in industry speak) equally rip-snortin’ tracks. They’re loud and slightly obnoxious, creating songs that’ll hardly stand the test of time. But then again, how many songs from this period of time are going to be introduced to the historical paradigm? If you want my opinion, songs that deal with the most present of tenses are usually the best kinds of songs to listen to. Irreverent songs are conscious of being probably irrelevant, and so they exude an energy and charisma that most ‘serious’ bands lack. Fuck metaphors and symbolism when you can create a damn catchy riff and curl some tape hiss together into a two minute time capsule. Guaranteed, you’re more likely to enjoy yourself wrecking the ‘Year of the Dog’ cassette than your 52nd repeated listen of whatever the fuck Morrissey spouted recently. Petty Things = the most amount of love I can give to a band from the same state that named their basketball team after a fictional bird. HA! Preposterous.

Pop Zeus-Tell Me So EP

Pop Zeus is exactly that-a godlike pop concoction lifted from the beaches of a VHS trailer for tourist attractions in Honolulu. It’s a whimsical, laid back, and ultimately chilling journey of pop’s highest order. Think of Youth Lagoon making out with a soft-focus Beach House. It’s not nearly as well-mastered as the previously mentioned bands, but it’s got a hell of a lot more character and quiet vibrancy, and there’s no self-rioghteousnes associated with the people that like Pop Zeus. Basically, the people that like Pop Zeus like good pop music, which is precisely what Pop Zeus makes.

Honey Bucket-Futon

When I saw the name Honey Bucket, I immediately thought of my favourite Melvins song, and smashed four dozen Rise Against CD’s in my impatience whilst I waited for their Bandcamp to load. At first, I was disappointed that they sounded nothing like Melvins, because it meant I wasn’t right about something, and now I had to pick up a bunch of broken CD cases from the floor. It’s weird how much you miss hearing bands that obviously really like Guided By Voices until you hear one again. Honey Bucket are one such band. They’re a funky little indie rock band from Portland, and their music is quiet but super fun. There’s catchy guitar lines buried in ‘Futon’, much like that small stash of weed you forgot about in your back draw. And much like that small stash of weed, you’re fucking stoked when you find it, swimming in a whirlwind of surprised excitement and frantic imaginings of how much you’re going to utilise your new possession in the near future. In both cases, the material will be exploited for severe pleasure. At the very least, I’ve got something good to listen to whilst I chuck out those shitty Rise Against albums.


Slim Wray-I Gotta Girl (With a List Of Needs)

Easily the best thing about this song is the ruckus-raising riff. It’s the kind of thing that would blow the panties offf even the most conservative, punch-in-the-face-warranting douchebag. It’s loud and full-throttle, like a Fast and Furious move and unashamedly so. It reminds me of bands like The Fumes or early White Stripes, where the blues were married to a noisiness that purely fucking rocked.



New: Thigh Master + Shaking Hell + Petty Things + Dum Dum Girls + Diveliner

So many tunes, so little time. What a shitty, cliched introduction. Fuck it, we’ll do it live.


Thigh Master-Goon Punch

Thigh Master are from Brisbane, so you know they’re tough as fucking nails. All is pretty much confirmed when you’ve got a song entitled ‘Goon Punch’, an all too common experience had by every teenage boy soon after sculling four litres of pure demon piss. Musically, Thigh Master are awesome. They sound like a strung-out, tired-of-your-shit Archers of Loaf, hidden behind a couple of layers of badass fuzz.

If you’re free on the 25th of January, make sure you head out to The Clarence Hotel, because Thigh Master are going to play ‘Goon Punch’ and a bunch of other sick tracks. Ruined Fortune (!), Beef Jerk and Video Ezy play support.


Shaking Hell-I’m Not Your Friend

Remember that Frenzal Rhomb track ‘You Are Not My Friend’? Well this song from Melbourn’es Shaking Hell is nothing like that. Its way more furious, and it burrows into your brain within a millisecond of the first chords erupting. It’s a friendly sort of evil, like South Park’s version of Satan, and you can’t help but let ‘I’m Not Your Friend’ invade your blood stream, forcing every fibre of your body into a dangerous state of punk overload. Shaking Hell are a band that demand to be moshed to, and who the fuck are you to deny them of that?

Shaking Hell are playing what is guaranteed to be one of the best shows of the year at Blackwire Records on January 18th, with Yes, I’m Leaving (!), Narrows Lands (!) and Palmer Grasp. If that sort of lineup doesn’t make you sopping in the loin areas, you’re fucked mate.


Petty Things-Bored

This is a song by a band from Arizona. Cool. The songs about a bunch of kids who are walkin’ down the street and kill a dude for shits and giggles, because they were bored. Now we’re talking!

‘Bored’ reminds me of those fuzz bands that popped up around California around the time Wavves first started getting popular. There’s a definite slacker/punk vibe to these guys. Like, they want to rebel against their parents and go to that White Fang show….but there’s a bong just out of arms reach, and that is definitely the more pressing issue here. Hey, we’ve all been there. Now, go get this fucking song, because it’s rad.


Dum Dum Girls-Rimbaud Eyes

Although the first single off the new Dum Dum Girls was pretty meh, but this new one is way more to my liking. It’s so 80’s, you’d think that the Dum Dum Girls was a culmination of the Psychedelic Furs and Debbie Harry. Seriously, the icy waves of New Wave are so prominent here, you’d think that the Dum Dum Girls’ record collections were solely made up of New York synth artists and The Bangles’ ‘Walk Like An Egyptian’ 12″ single. If Lou Reed were still around right now, I feel that he’d be obsessed with this song, and that’s enough for me.



Wanna listen to King Krule, but scared that you’re friends will all yell at you for jumping on the hipster bandwagon? All you have to do is listen to Diveliner, the most perfect replication of King Krule’s nu-jazz to date. The song ‘Vìda’ is pure perfection, a slow-moving sex-jam that rolls around the brain like a caramel sundae drizzled in Beyonce’s perfume. Its so goddamn smooth, it’d put an event of Drake songs as sung by Ray Charles to shame. Everything about this song is near perfect, from the glossy guitar strokes, to the computer blips and saxophone love-making horns. Layer that underneath one of the soon-to-be-declared ‘best voices of 2014’ and its a recipe for success.