CoverWhere were you a year ago? I’ll tell you where I was – knee deep in rejection, working an unpaid internship, and having nervous breakdowns in the best nightclubs that Kings Cross had to offer. “HOLY SHIT!”, I would scream internally, “HOW THE FUCK IS ANYBODY SUPPOSED TO LIKE THIS”, splashing a $17 craft beer down my hot pink shirt that myself and all the boyz were wearing. Salmon flavoured colour co-ordination is the name of the fucking game, amirite? How else are you supposed to let everyone know that you’re a fuckwit?

That might sound awful, but it was nowhere near as bad as what MAKING were going through. Picture this: you’ve been around for bloody yonks. You’ve released an EP, a single, and everything’s looking great. Every weekend is spent with your buds at Blackwire Records, netted between those signature bear claws, slaying the very concept of rock like you’re Braveheart, and other bands are the English. You’ve headed to your mate’s studio (word is he’s going to be doing some work with Miley Cyrus) and there’s a label that wants to put out your record. Your debut album! On vinyl! That’s the dream! Everything’s coming up Milhouse!

You sit there, waiting and waiting. Man, it’s been a while, hey – when are those records getting delivered? It’s getting kinda late, but you don’t want to take a nap, in case you miss the delivery man. You call your guy….no answer. That’s weird? You’re sitting there, and panic sets in. What’s happening? Where is your record? What the fuck? All that hard work, all that effort…for nothing. When tossing up between being an absolute slice of shit in the Cross and seeing your life’s work disappear, I’ll be too busy slipping into the grossest shirt I can find and planning the route of my hektik  night through Sydney’s drainage system to give an answer.

Thankfully, Melbourne’s TRAIT Records saw logic, and the travesty of having this album un-released. Now, MAKING’s debut is here in all it’s glory. I say glory, because that’s what it is. There isn’t a whole lot out there like this album. Not much anyway. Think of the unconventional pacing of At The Drive-In clashing with the tumultuous noise of Lightning Bolt and unnerving aggression of Shellac. Throw in some casual influence that comes from witnessing/performing amongst the incredible scene that exists in Sydney, from Tanned Christ to Yes, I’m Leaving, to Totally Unicorn, and you get MAKING.

There are so many aspects of ‘HIGHLIFE’ to admire. The drums, for example –  you’re slammed from every angle like the villains of Alfred Hitchcock’s “The Birds”, completely swarmed by pecking cymbals and clanging feathers. But the guitars! They are so wrung out, melodies switching and interchanging with equal nuance and menace, wringing your neck at one moment, and gently swallowing you in the next.DON’T FORGET THE BASS! The rhythm section pokes and prods surgically, manoeuvring each track here with the deadly precision of the doctor from The Human Centipede.

By far the best aspect of MAKING’s work is their calm before the storm approach. However, the difference between the cliche and the terror that MAKING exhibit is that there is always that expectation that the band will soon engage in a full-blown head crushing saga. The overall atmosphere is like being in the middle of a pool of sharks, bleeding and alone. The terror isn’t your immediate threat, but rather the waiting, that prolonged sense of doom. It’s like if that movie “Open Water” was made with a band that made one of the most interesting heavy albums of 2015 instead of a Great White. Although most deafeningly showcased on “Come To Me”, the effect is witnessed throughout the record, whether on a smaller scale with the pulsing long-distance ooze of “Amazon”, or “Dream Job”, in which shrill brutality is deployed for solely destructive purposes, an Agent Orange level of suffocating musical gas choking out the listener.

MAKING’s journey for the release of this album was a long one. Very long. But shit, don’t you reckon it was worth it? Not only does a salmon-shirt-wearing, deplorable piece of shit like me get to listen to this record, but so can everyone else. Miracles happen you guys, miracles happen. Immersive, impressive and forever brutal, MAKING’s ‘HIGHLIFE’ has scared the fucking shit out of me, and I couldn’t be happier.

‘HIGHLIFE’ will be out September 4th, on TRAIT Records. Pre-order here. They’re playing Blackwire for the album launch: September 11th with Marcus Whale, Mere Women and BV (put it together, ya numbskull)



After faaaar too long (and through no fault of their own), MAKING are finally releasing their debut album ‘Highlife’! And the first taste of it is the blacker-than-Gwyneth-Paltrow’s-soul “Come 2 Me”. The song is a broad descent into maddening, furious metal, a slow, poisonous burrowing into the centre of purely demented sound. It begins with post-punk inflected noise that wouldn’t be out of place on A Place to Bury Strangers, and segues into thundering drums and swirling, droning vocals commanding the listener to “Come to Me, Stay Awake, Show Mercy….”. Intimidation is at peak levels.

But then, with no warning, MAKING indulge in pure fury, an adrenaline hit pouncing into the vocals. The menace turns to outright madness, instruments bleeding into each other as a demonic presence forms itself. No punches are pulled as MAKING deliver THE heaviest song of the year. Experimental tones and an incomparable knowledge for how to sucker punch a motherfucker with a riff is MAKING’s bread and butter.

The irony here is that MAKING have created a song that’s about as primal as music can get, an ancient war cry delivered in a metallic, artificial tongue. But the video on display is a terrifying mix of grainy surveillance footage pulsating at an otherworldly frequency. The film has no other mission than to haunt your dreams forever. You like horror movies? You haven’t seen shit. Prepare to be sucked into this black hole of nihilism and technology, and emerge a lesser being.

Album Review: Hydromedusa – S/T LP

Hydromedusa so metal, they make Ozzy Osborne finally shit out that bat’s head that he swallowed 20 years ago! OOOOOHHHHH! Hydromedusa so metal, Lars Ulrich started his campaign against file sharing again just to spite them out of any cash they might earn! HEEEEEEEEEYYYOOOO! Hydromedusa so metal, Mike Myers decided to digitally remove Alice Cooper’s scene from ‘Wayne’s World’ and replace him with Hydromedusa! BOOOOOOOM!

I can keep doing these all fucking day man, honestly, it’s a non-issue. As long, as I’ve got Hydromedusa in my life, and their sludgy riffs are slushing around in mostly-empty cavern of a skull, then I’ll be dimwittedly repurposing Yo Mama jokes with metal references. Hydromedusa are sick, and attempting to get #Hydromedusasometal trending on the blogosphere is the least I could do. Actually, the least I could do would be to immediately stop making jokes and write a few doggamn words about how good they are. So, I’ll probably do that, hey.

Take your mind back to when Black Sabbath and Motorhead were at their most debauched and demented. When a dozen lines of speed and a sacrifice to an Aztec demi-god was considered an acceptable substitute for the morning coffee? Well, take that manic pose, and strike it in the middle of Adelaide. The City of Churches is well known for pumping out its fair share of darker material (Wireheads, Rule of Thirds, Danny Whitten’s Veins), but Hydromedusa take it to a more eccentric and obvious level. They play like it’s their mission to overcome Kyuss’ legacy, and they’re not afraid to show it either. The riffs Hydromedusa play are peeled from the residue of a cone-piece, and tendrils of smoke linger with menace. They’re deadly, pungent, decadent, dripping in a slow-grinding fervour that makes the butterflies in my stomach begin to thrash and headbang with almost the same zeal as my own fucking cranium.

An album of simple, plunging riffs is something that can quickly turn into Deep Purple territory, but Hydromedusa are careful to tread that line with interjections where it appears like the Dark Lord himself is making an appearance in the recording studio. The thundering opening of “Company Man” is as close to riding out of the gates of Hell as we’ll come. The maelstrom of “Bells” sears the flesh with the same flame that wrought Sleep and High On Fire. And “Wintertime Blues” whips and cracks with an unrelenting fury, an impeding force of metallic churning and guitar solos alight with embers stoked from Satan’s own coffee machine.

Hydromedusa may ape their idols, but that’s okay, because they’re bringing the same ball-crunching, spleen-splitting, eye-gouging, tongue-wrenching, soul-consuming, body-engulfing spirit that made their heroes deliver such good music. They’re metal, in a traditional sense, and Australia can occasionally feel sparse in that regard. If ever the time calls for some boiling sludge that occasionally explodes into vitriolic gashes of metal that looks over its shoulder, reach no further than this Hydromedusa record.

Grab it from Hydromedusa’s Bandcamp here, available now through Tym Records.

New: Batpiss – Spiritually Challenged

Oi get a load of this. Nah, it’s good for ya. Better for the soul than chain-smoking JPS Gold and chowing down on three day old snags. It’s fucking Batpiss mate…they’re named after the excrement shot forth from one of the most deplorable creatures in the animal kingdom. You know, the one that Ozzy Osborne decapitated back in the day. Listening to this band will only make you see the light in this otherwise damned world.

After releasing one of the best heavy records of recent memory in 2013, which included the incredible “Loose Screws”, Batpiss have returned with a song that will king hit you into a headbanging monstrosity. Everything your mum warned you against is present in “Spiritually Challenged” – snarling shouts that will rip the skin off your face, riffs that sear the nature of heavy metal into your puny skull, and an overall atmosphere for gleeful doom that swells and broils for an all too short three and a half minutes. Fuck, get ready for that new LP – if you haven’t steeled yourself in advance, there’s a good chance this will happen .

Also, Batpiss gonna be playing Frankies on July 5. If you’ve had a shit weekend, you know that a 45 minute set from one of the loudest and most punishing bands in ‘Straya will sort you out.

Video: Oozing Wound – Going Through the Motions Til I Die

It’s been a while between really good metal for ol’ mate Saarsy here, but Oozing Wound are the kind of pus-filled wart ready to explode devilish juices over your ears that I’ve been looking for.

They’ve been kicking around for a while, a Chicago three-piece that knows how to shred skin like no-one’s business. Conan are quaking in their boots right now. Their riffs are blinding, and squeal with venomous rage, pulverising the senses into submission. Half doom metal, but with thrash tendencies, Oozing Wound are about as heavy-as-fuck you can get without breaking through the Earth’s core due to this planet’s weight restrictions.

They’ve got a new one out called “Going Through the Motions Til I Die”, a demonic howling of bloody riffage that’d make Sepultura proud. Featuring a garage, mistaken identity and members of Heavy Times and Unmanned Ship, there’s a plot twist in here that makes American History X’s pivotal scene paltry in comparison.

New Punk: Red Red Krovvy + Satanic Rockers + Moonboat + Meter Men + POWER + Dribble

I really wanted to title this New Noise, because the bands on here are ready to blow out your fucking eardrums. But then I’d be naming it after a Refused song, and I kinda didn’t want to do that.

Red Red Krovvy – Real Life

This is about as short and sharp as they come. It’s like X-Rey Spex if they turned into the Hulk, just broad shoulders bulldozing everything in its path. This song is pure fire, ready to burn down your fucking brain from the inside out. The bellows on here are staunch and terrifying. If you have loose bowels, shit now.

Red Red Krovvy play at The Valve Bar in Broadyway tonight! With Housewives, Sweat Tongue, and Meat Tray.

Satanic Rockers – Death Sentence

Fucking hell, this shit is like having your skull shoved into a running treadmill that’s compromised of gravel. This is noisy, bludgeoning death music, like being choked out by Chrome. Like Ghastly Spats, the noises produced on here are pure B-Grade horror, the darkest thing to have been released in Australia in a long time. The vocals are dripping with foreshadowings of destruction.

Moonboat – Spirit Panther

Who even knows where to begin on this one? On one hand, there’s hellfire being spewed like volcanic diarrhea, like “Hellpipes” and “Greybomber”. Then later down the album, these very strange, almost indie-rock pieces rock up, but they’re sprawling works. ‘Spirit Panther’ is interesting, and it constantly evolves, like chucking cheat codes into Pokemon. Basically, Moonboat are Australia’s Deafheaven.

Meter Men – Severed Relations

If you haven’t already, get yourself nice and bloody familiar with Helta Skelta Records. Fuck me, this stuff is so immediate and bloodthirsty, it makes me sweat under my armpits. It’s like having the Gutter Gods become even more brutally skin-peeling. Lo-fi recording, mind-crushing drums, and buzzsaw guitars that sound like they could fell the Amazon, Meter Man are fucking insane.

POWER – Puppy

Holy shit, POWER are amazing! They blast through with this early Replcaments-esque rock star posturing, but it’s flayed alive by the furiosity of the riffs and crashing noise. This is 80’s speed metal funnelled into a pub rock atmosphere. If Radio Birdman had been introduced to Slayer, something like this could have existed before now. Let’s just count ourselves lucky that POWER exist in this present universe.

Dribble – Girl of My Dreams

Another one from the amazing Cool Death Records, it’s new stuff from Melbourne gutter punks Dribble. Possessing a lot of the same bratty, punishing snot that propelled Circle Pit, Drown Under and Ausmuteants, Dribble power through this 3 minute thrill injection, splintering ears with all sorts of heart-in-your-throat guitar wailing, settling down for a second, and then exploding back into chaos. Fuck, this is insane.

New Punk Rock: BRUCE! + The Nuclear Family + Mighty Boys + Rat King/Sewers + Killa Kung Fu Wolf Bitch

Some of these albums have been stewing in the review-pot for yonks now, so it’s time to unleash the hellish-hounds upon this unsuspecting world via a nice review of 250 words or less.


If you’re keen for some metal, then there’s nowhere better to look than old mates from the ‘Gong, BRUCE! These four fearsome guys know how to thrash the shit out their guitars, wringing out a sound that comes damn close to a sludgier version of Anthrax or Judas Priest. Similar to I Am Duckeye, who are some Sydney dudes who also don’t give a fuck, BRUCE! excel at making heavy shit that you can play around your mates that are a little more inclined to listening to shitty music. I mean, you don’t introduce someone to demon-summoning music with Possessed’s ‘Seven Churches’, you go with a de-tuned riff-fest courtesy of BRUCE!, full of fucking sick guitar solos and wailing sounds. This is maiden-saving music, man, and when you’re speeding down a highway at 110 km on your way to the ‘Gong, you’d be an idiot not to chuck “Captain” or “Sludge” into the HIGHWAY 2 H3LL MIX, between “Raining Blood” and “Seek And Destroy”.


The Nuclear Family – The Nuclear Family

If you’re angry, and are sick and tired of listening to Metallica or Black Flag as a means of translating aggression, then chuck on The Nuclear Family. I’m no psycho-analyst, but playing stuff like “Mindless” or “Disposable Razor” makes me feel like 110%. I feel like I can take on the world, or at the very least, bring the bins in from outside. Maybe, just maybe, I’ll actually go outside, and face the demonic being known as ‘sunlight’. Although it’s hardly as demonic as these guys. They absolutely shred, turning their instruments into a barking Cerberus that absolutely loved listening to ‘Bleach’ by Nirvana as a teenager. The sounds are guttural and revolting, churning like the wheels of a train bound for hell, carrying a platoon of the Seventh Circle’s most violent scum.

In all honesty, The Nuclear Family are one of the best noisy punk bands to come into existence since Zeahorse. Their songs are original, visceral, and completely dominating of one’s attention. If A Nuclear Family track comes on, you listen the fuck up. When the finale of “Mindless” announces itself, a chainsaw bass/guitar duel decapitating whoever is on vocals, and as helicopter blade drums crash in all directions…that’s the kind of exhilarating rush that has been missing for a little while. Seriously, do yourself a favour and pick up a copy of this band’s EP before they ascend to Valhalla.


Mighty Boys – Dole Cheque and Kabana

Mighty Boys are a band that immediately recall Eddy Current Suppression Ring, Ausmuteants and The UV Race, and in the best way possible. Whilst some bands can’t really succeed past employing all the traits of their heros, Mighty Boys add this weird aggression and subtle humour to their music that seperates them just enough from their idols, and lets their debut breathe a little more comfortably. However, that’s easy enough when your band has created an album so chock full of amazing songs. These tracks just fucking pound and enthrall in the same way that Clowns do. They’ve got an irreverent side (“Hippy Shakes”, “Sexpo”), and a focused side that zeros in on political dissent and fucked up shit (“Deniliquin”, “Schoolgirls”). But overall, when you’re listening to ‘Dole Cheque and Kabana” the main thing that arises is that you’re listening to a supremely fucking fun record, one that would kick ass in a live setting. So, hopefully they’ll make their way to Sydney soon, and  we can all yell about copping free black dildos together. AND ACHIEVE WORLD PEACE!

Rat King/Sewers – Leather

And now for something completely and utterly fucked up. If you can’t name a Swans record, then you’re probably not going to be into this near 15-minute ode to lo-fi noise and disturbing the peace. Rat King (Brisbane band, not the hip-hop group) absolutely plunder the senses with their contributions “Browood” and “Sick Pills”, the latter being an especially pungent carcass of goodness. Meanwhile, Sewers unleash “Chinese Tommy” and “Japanese Train Driver”, two songs of hectic, hurtling and unhinged punk of the gutter variety, like a modern day Germs. If Robert De Niro’s character in Taxi were in a punk band, it’d be Sewers for sure. A mutilation of the senses, ‘Leather’ is a keen fix if you’re into the noisier, despicable side of things.

Killa Kung Fu Wolf Bitch – Why Not Both EP

This is probably closer to straight up rock and roll, but the amount of fuzz and lo-fi quality points to an ultimate DIY approach, so fuck it, this is my blog, I’ll do what it want. But anyway, this one-man band outta Sydney who happens to like the amazing Boondocks series has some fucking great songs on display. It’s about as redundant and teenage as they come, but they’re rock and roll jams to make regretful decisions to. All three tracks on here are distinctly great, like B-sides from an early Descendants period. Like other young Sydney spunks Bachelor Pad and Claire & the Cops, KKFWB hits me right in the sweet spot for rock and roll ultra fun times yeah!


New: Boris-Quicksilver

Today, Wednesday, 9th of April, comes with two platters of good news for metal fans who’s tastes extend beyond Pantera’s ‘Cowboys From Hell’. Boris, the legendary metal trio from Japan, have announced a new album, and a new song. The album is called ‘Noise’, and the song sees them returning to their favoured heavy as Metallica-at-Maccas sound. There’s haunting screams, gallant cries, and an earnestness that metal bands get right about half the time. Best of all, this thing is fast as fuck. ‘Quicksilver’ really sticks to its title, as the solos are a flurry of fingers, and the drums crush with considerable speed. The only mildly slow thing about the song is the blistering bass riffs that boom throughout. Seven minutes in heaven has never been more applicable than when listening to ‘Quicksilver’.

Mixtape: Art As Catharsis-Distortion and Dissonance (free download)

I haven’t really gotten into my private passion of really, really, really heavy shit that much on this website. Mainly because I stick to the old school shit that everyone knows-Sabbath, Metallica, Slayer. All the obvious ones. Most metal nowadays is glossy shit that cops a couple rotations on Triple J’s Short. Fast. Loud before getting replaced with something that sounds exactly the same (cough, Northlane, Dream On, Dreamer, Amity Affliction, cough) So yeah, I usually just stick to whatever Cancer Bats, Pulled Apart By Horses and Cerebral Ballzy are doing.

That’s all changed with the release of this Art As Catharsis mixtape. AAC are a Sydney-based record group that have been pushing out some of the best hardcore and metal bands for ages now. And they’ve got the compilation to prove it. Totally Unicorn, Fat Guy Wears a Mystic Wolf T-Shirt, FVCK Mountain, Tanned Christ…if they’re interesting, solid and pummelling, chances are they’re featured on the Art As Catharsis mixtape.

Top 10 Australian Albums of 2013

Whoomp, there it is! Or, to be more grammatically correct, here it is. Because, y’know, you’re reading this off some sort of screen, which is on front of you, and not somewhere else, which is what the preposition of there implies.

Look, I was trying to make a reference to Tag Team’s 1993 smash hit, and smoothly initiate an article about the best Australian albums of 2013, but it failed in a brutal showing of grammatical error. Anyway, as I clumsily try to regain my poise, let me say that 2013 has been a killer year for Australian records. On the International scene, there haven’t been absolutely tonnes of records that have held people’s gaze for the full year, but in Aussie-land, home of snuggies and the ‘ocker’ stereotype, there have been leaps and bounds in every genre available. Its cruel to pick just ten, but here we are, in a state of despair. Woe is I, for we art doomed to live in a state of existential pit of despair wrought by picking just ten albums for lists. Please….empathise.

Super Dooper Special (as in all tied Equal 11th) mentions go to Scott & Charlene’s Wedding, The Ocean Party, Day Ravies, Unity Floors, and Ooga Boogas.

Special Mentions go to Clowns, Amateur Drunks, Standish/Carlyon, Pikelet, The Living Eyes, Golden Blonde, Ausmuteants, The Drones and The Native Cats.

Super Duper Ultra Special Metal Album: Zeahorse-Pools

The sludge! The intensity! The gruel! Its like Jack Black once said in Tenacious D’s ‘The Metal’, ‘…you can’t kill the metal, the metal will live on’. As it does on Zeahorse’s debut record ‘Pools’. Stagnant marshes of filthy reverb and disgusting bass-lines make this a riveting listen, plunging you head first into a swirling world full of blackness and awesome sludgery.

10. Yes, I’m Leaving-Mission Bulb

Not since Fugazi has a punk band come so blindingly close to marrying the intense anti-establishment message of punk with blindingly good melodies. For Yes, I’m Leaving, a band with both an excellent name, a fantastic live show and even greater songs, its just another day making great fucking songs. Yes, I’m Leaving don’t really make a misstep on ‘Mission Bulb’, just chugging out those razor sharp punk songs like they’re a supergroup made from Patti Smith, Ian McKaye, Keith Morris, and Jello Biafra, and the old guy with a sledge hammer on the cover is replaced by Henry Rollins. Perfection!

9. Primitive Calculators-The World Is Fucked

Never have you heard something as vicious and in-your-face until you’ve witnessed the sheer terror of a Prim Calcs track. Finally, after all this time…the band have gotten around to releasing a debut studio album. Its not like Australia’s been waiting over thirty years for this thing! Thankfully, the album paid off like robbing a bank vault Die Hard 3 style, both a physical and emotional pay-off. Not for a moment do the band let up, blasting our brain cells one super charged synth-punk anthem after another.

8. Bed Wettin’ Bad Boys-Ready For Boredom

Another debut record, another awesome band name. You could say its a combination of the previous two entries, but you’d be wrong because the Bad Boys sound fuck all like the other two bands. Instead, they pick up where The Replacements left off on ‘Pleased to Meet Me’-emotionally charged everyman’s rock n roll. It belongs in a pub, three-schooners-down, with one eye on the rugby game in the corner and one eye on its uncertain future. However, if the band can keep churning out the hit factory and overall nice package that is ‘Ready For Boredom’, they should be sorted for a very long time.

7. King Gizzard & the Lizard Wizard-Float Along-Fill Your Lungs

I’ve said it once, I’ve said it a million times-King Jizz are the Darwin Evolution theory in practice. Starting out with bare-bones ramshackle rock n roll and slowly developing into the psych rock band we now see a year and a half later. However, they never lost any of the zeal and flavour they had on the ‘Willoughby’s Beach EP’ way back when, and can still manage to excite and boner-ise with their longer stuff as they can with any two minute electric shock.

6. POND-Hobo Rocket

Its a mini-album, deal with it. It was still too awesome to leave off the list. Its over-the-top glam rock, but not as you know it. If David Bowie was gobbled by some sort of psychedelic monster, and laid to waste by a plethora of Wayne Coyne clones, then you might get something as fun, frantic and off the fucking hook as ‘Hobo Rocket’. It dodges, dips, dives, ducks and dodges between all different sorts of vibes and frequencies, a restless creature if you’ve ever heard one. And boy, does it fucking sound amazing.

5. Cut Copy-Free Your Mind

‘Free Your Mind’ can’t really be defined as a return to form because Cut Copy never lost their form (go listen to ‘Zonoscope’ again, and try to feel any inkling of disappointment). Instead, ‘Free Your Mind’ continues the Cut Copy legacy, leaping and bounding into acid-house territory. The Madchester warehouse vibes are certainly there, mingling with the indie pop sensibility that Cut Copy own so hard like I own a massive Sonic Youth poster so hard. You’ll dance, you’ll think, you’ll cry and you’ll dance again, all within the confines of ‘Meet Me in a House of Love’. Isn’t Cut Copy just the greatest invention?

4. Violent Soho-Hungry Ghost

The cover-a skeleton engulfed in flames. Now that’s how you garner some fucking attention. Or, you could just stir up some of the most heart-pounding, adrenaline-inducing, mouth-watering rock songs this side of ‘Smells Like Teen Spirit’. Most of the songs on ‘Hungry Ghost’ are anthems, no doubt about it. Try to listen to a chorus of ‘Hell FUCK YEAH!’ without forming some sort of death circle in whatever location you happen to be in. In completely unrelated news, death by moshpits have gone up 215% in nursing homes that play Triple J. But that’s not all there is to ‘Hungry Ghost’, as the team manage to cook up a couple of heart-warming surprises throughout. More delicious than an angel made of bacon.

3. Palms-Step-Brothers

I guess the reason why Palms are such a great band is because they’re doing something that’s been done so many times before, but putting such an original stamp on it, that you can’t help but do a quintuple take. That’s right, your head will spin a minimum of five times as you try to reconsider your life without Palms in it. There’s so much to swallow when listening to ‘Step Brothers’, but not in a bad way. No, going through this, you’ll be gulping through as much musical content as possible to get all that Palm-y goodness in your spirit ASAP.

2. The Gooch Palms-Novo’s

Speaking of Palms, The Gooch Palms came in with one of the strongest musical entities of the year. However, whilst Palms channel Springsteen, Goochies are all about The Ramones. Bratty, snotty punk, farted out into the willing ears of all lucky enough to listen. However, The Gooch Palms show a surprising diversity, and with the mixture of shameless pop ballads, rain-soaked bummer ear-catchers and leather-jacket FUCK YEWWW’s, you can’t feel bored, even for a second. Rock n Roll runs in the veins of Kat and Leroy and to deny them of that would mean to say that this album doesn’t make you immediately want to strip off all your clothes, run down a highway and spread the word of the Almighty Gooch.

P.S The Gooch Palms and Palms are teaming up for a tour called Palmarama, and they’re playing Oxford Arts Factory on Friday, 28th February. Miss this and perish in a pit of regret.

1. TV Colours-Purple Skies, Toxic River

Surprise, fucking surprise. The album that I can never stop blabbering about comes in at No. 1 on my list of the top Australian records of 2013. Bias aside, if you don’t like this album, then seriously, nothing can be done for you. You are a lost cause. A total travesty of a human being. This album is perfection, a lulling, mesmerising concoction of deadly riffs, lo-fi production, cheesy synths and samples, rolled into a bundle of delights that the world has never seen before. Even though Bobby Kill took two years to make this record, it was worth every minute of waiting for this fucking masterpiece. God Bless TV Colours!