Top 5 Records w/ Narrow Lands

Although from an outsider’s perspective Narrow Lands look like a couple normal dudes, their music is probaby the heaviest, most brutal and sludge-tastic shit this side of the Melvins’ in their heyday. Music does not come any more terrifically black and bubbly, as horrifying riffs implode over bass lines thicker than the biceps of Danzig.

After seeing them a little over a week ago, and having my ears begging for mercy yet again, I had to ask their guitarist Alan Power about his favourite brutal records. Here they are, in all their glory:

Theme: Top 5 Most Intense Records

Preface: I could have cheated and gone for the black metal and hardcore stuff in my iTunes library that I never listen to but have tried to keep it real and only list stuff I actually listen or listened to regularly that’s had a vague influence on Narrow Lands. Ivan and Lee are probably better placed for this kinda list because they’re into way heavier fucked up shit than I am but Lee’s moving overseas and Ivan’s already programmed Rage so fuck those guys! My list!

WHORES – MOB REALITY The reason we have a song called Whores Rule. This 7″ is such an ugly, mongrel grind of a thing, I love it. Shitted that I never got to see them live, by the time I realised they were a thing they’d already pretty much petered out. Shaun Prescott said: “There are many bands that try their very hardest to be ugly, and horrible, and confronting, but Whores just kinda effortlessly are.”

 

ZOND – S/T This record is so dense and relentless, it kinda sounds like two or thee bands playing over the top of each other most of the time. This was my favourite record for about 2 years. Saw them at the Opera House for that Lou Reed noise night thing a few years back, they filled that place with the best sound I’ll ever hear at the Opera House. I didn’t even stick around for Lou Reed, figured that nothing was likely to top ZOND. Probably should have stuck around for Lou, really. Meh.

 

GIRLS PISSING ON GIRLS PISSING – EELING Man this record is depressing, I only ever listen to it when nobody’s in the house and I’m doing the dishes. It’s got all these heavy, droning horns, droning group vocals and a constant minor key weirdness, like Lakes meets Bathory meets a bunch of hypnotised satanists.

 

SWANS – NOT HERE NOT NOW We all saw Swans down at ATP in 2013 and it fucked me up forever. Half way through I pretty much had my head on Andrew’s shoulder, sobbing, thinking “fuck my band sucks! we’re hacks!” in the same voice as Wayne and Garth doing “We’re not worthy!” for Alice Cooper. It was about 50 degrees in that horrible big sports shed and Swans were the most immersive, intense thing I’ve ever seen or heard. Every band after them sucked that day, including Godspeed and MBV. ESPECIALLY Godspeed and MBV. In ‘Coward’, where he sings “stick your knife in me” I thought he was singing “stick around for a while” which seemed like a creepy thing to repeat in a song. Then when I realised that’s not what the words are, I semi-plagiarised my mis-heard version and used it in one of our songs. And that’s the way you write songs, kids.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1e7eL3MT9Ng

SNAKEFACE – OBERON I went to high school in Blayney NSW, which isn’t far from Oberon. Both towns seemingly locked into an unofficial arm-wrestle over the prize for bleakest, coldest shit-hole every winter. I went to a “Maths Olympiad” day in Oberon where we were in this freezing school hall all day and I kept on going over to the urn to get free cups of International Roast coffee to try and warm up but it just made me need to piss all day and then my feet got so cold I couldn’t really feel them and by the end of the day I was twitching, shivering, numb, dehydrated and full of hate for Oberon. This album reminds me of that day.

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Video: Girls Pissing On Girls Pissing-A Fraud Abroad

Besides having one of the greatest band names ever, Girls Pissing on Girls Pissing are just plain fucking awesome. There’s actually nothing bad about them, because their music is just the sort of float-along shoegaze stuff with a side-dish of post-punk snarl that the world needs now. Fuck love, Earth wants GPOGP.

The band have got a new video out for their single ‘A Fraud Abroad’. As you might have guessed, it’s sinister, macabre, and slightly disturbing, all important ingredients of awesome shit. The video features dark, glitch-ridden VHS loneliness and despair in a room. Whilst fucked up projections spin fucked up nightmares on the walls, and colours distort over a mirage of objects and images I couldn’t even begin to describe, all that’s left is the hollow, patiently droning sounds of GPOGP.

Top 10 Band Names of 2013

ImageWarning: If you’re over 30 you might not want to read this list. Unless, you’re Bill Murray.

It’s a well known fact that if you have a great name as a band, you will garner some attention. Sure, that attention will last approximately 2 weeks, and be compromised of shocked, right-wing mothers and punk kids trying way too hard to piss of their parents, like myself. However, if you can back that up with some great music, then what’s the worry?

Here are the Top 10 band names that stick out in my mind. Most of them have really good music, and you should definitely check them out. Some of them suck. Make up your own mind. Here they are, the bands with the most unique names of 2013:

10. Fuck Buttons-I talk about Fuck Buttons pretty much non-stop. In the lead up to their gig on Thursday, I must have said their name a minimum of 4000 times, and shocked quite a few bystanders in the process. However, besides havin a cuss word in their name, Fuck Buttons prove they can back their ‘controversial’ name with some killer tunes, like ‘The Red Wing’.

9. Pissed Jeans-Another great fringe band with a great name and better music. Pissed Jeans blend hardcore with gargled regurgitation, coming out like a Elmo in a blender with gnarled guitars and a bloodthirsty bassline. Listening to Pissed Jeans is like having Genghis Khan shoot the shit with you whilst he’s in the middle of drug rehabilitation, and is fiendin’ for some meth. If listening to ‘Bathroom Laughter’ doesn’t either make you shit yourself in fear, or get excited to dangerous levels, then you’re deaf.

8. Lightning Swords of Death- Lightning Swords of Death are a black metal band. and because my knowledge of black metal extends as far as ‘that’s the church-burning stuff from Norway right?’, I was kind of surprised when I downloaded ‘Vorticating Into Scars’ on the basis of the band’s awesome name, and was instantly flooded by a sound not dissimilar to Satan shitting blood on your face. Each to their own, but it must be said these guys have a great band name.

7. Yes, I’m Leaving-Yes, I’m Leaving have been around for a very long time, but their name is fucking fantastic (as does their 2013 album ‘Mission Bulb’, you’d be hard pressed to find a better Aussie punk album this year). The simple message of those three words is damn powerful, surmising that yes, its time to fuck off, and no, you can’t stop us.

6. Vulture Shit-Vulture Shit have the whole imagery thing down pat. When listening to ‘I Love The Way He Touches His Computer’, and silently contemplating destroying a hotel room, you can almost see a sinister vulture blatantly shitting all over  your previous conceptions that punk was dead.

5. Scott & Charlene’s Wedding-The project of Craig Dermody, slacker superstar, Scott & Charlene’s Wedding has tad more romantic connotations than, say, The Clits. Its a reference to that massive episode of Neighbours, when our titular characters got hitched. It was a pretty monumental moment in Australian television history, along with Cathy Freeman winning a running race and the first time How I Met Your Mother was aired on Channel 7. Anyway, Scott and Charlene’s Wedding (the band) make some fucking great jangle tracks, such as ‘Lesbian Wife’. However, you have been warned, once you listen to that song, good fucking luck trying to get it out of your head. Its the ‘Call Me Maybe’ for people with taste.

4. Bed Wettin’ Bad Boys-One of Sydney’s greatest bands, possibly one of the greatest in Australia. From love-torn ballads, to down-n-out slacker anthems, the Bad Boys make just plain great music for the average guy. Its like the love child between Alex Chilton and Paul Westerberg, only with a way cooler band name.

3. The Gooch Palms- Ahhh, The Goochies. What’s not to love about them? From regular onstage nudity, to raw garage punk infused with pop sensibility, to their no-bullshit attitude in live performance and music. However, for most, their name will be the thing to strike an unassuming radio listener. Gooch? As in, that hairy thing between your legs? Ewwwwww. Then ‘We Get By’ comes on, and all you’ll be able to think about from that point on is how fucking great a band The Gooch Palms are.

2. Diarrhea Planet- There was a story earlier this year about a grandma who got royally pissed off because her grandson wanted to buy the new Diarrhea Planet record. I think the thing we can garner from this is that her grandson has excellent taste in music. ‘Seperations’ is one of the better tracks of this year, and I doubt many people would have heard it if that name didn’t make you turn your head like witnessing Roadrunner getting his neck snapped by Wil E. Coyote.

1. Girls Pissing on Girls Pissing- Ah, finally, the crux of the article amirite? Actually, the whole point of this story was kind of just to show off the brand new song, ‘A Fraud Abroad’, by Girls Pissing On Girls. Its an absolute stunner of a track from the Kiwi group, and one that really shouldn’t go unrecognised. But don’t take that to mean these guys don’t have one of the best names in the world. Next time you want to be all mad-rebel-ish, just tell your Mum that your new favourite band is Girls Pissing on Girls Pissing, and see where that gets you. Actually, once you have a listen, they probably will be your new favourite band, so you won’t even have to lie. It’s a win-win!