New: Bachelor Pad – Ever Get the Feeling

You’re sloppy. It’s 2am, you’ve been rejected by every girl in town, and those pingas didn’t work. You tried to get into Bar Century, but the line was too long, and you didn’t make it to the front door before lockout. Dejected, you trundle to the Hungry Jacks next door. You know what’ll cheer you up? A Stunner Deal. A big, greasy, Stunner Deal.

The tired, sad lady behind the counter trundles out with your meal. Only instead of chips, you’ve got a synth line that buries itself into your ear with the intensity of that tracker that Hugo Weaving feeds to Keanu Reeves in the first 20 minutes of The Matrix. Instead of a Coke, you’ve got a simple fuzzy guitar line more warm and comforting than a blanket made from bald eagle fur. And instead of a Whopper, you’ve got Huw’s problems being unleashes upon you, serenading you with depression.

“Whathafuqisthiz?” you manage to vomit.

“You ordered the Stunner Deal. We got you Bachelor Pad. This is an extended metaphor”

“Yewfukinwanker”

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Top 20 Australian Songs of 2014

It’s that time of year, when I sell my soul, and conform to the expectation that all blogs, no matter how small and shitty (of which Soundly Sounds is both) needs to compile an end of year list, summarising all the great things that have been accomplished by the fair artists of the year. Now, if you’ve ever been on this blog, or heard words out of my mouth, it becomes apparent that I have a habit of hyperbole, and describing everything as “my favourite” or “the best thing ever”. Well, now it’s time to pay up, and show what I, King Deadshit, reckons is the best of the best this year.

Fuck, this shit is really hard. One of the hardest things I’ve had to do. As opposed to the Best Videos of the Year, and the Best International Records,  this list has taken me days to put together, as I’ve been more indecisive than a newspaper editor trying to decided the front page between a story in which David Beckham and Ryan Gosling have constructed the world’s most beautiful baby, or an exclusive interview with Clive Palmer’s fourth chin. A toughie, that’s for sure.

Anyway, here are the picks of the year – Aussie songs that have made people turn their heads, jaws drop in astonishment, and allow for spines to be frozen over in fascinated horror. The list was torturing me, so it’s been lengthened to 20. Also, songs that were just released as singles got preference over stuff that was on albums, simply because those are coming in the next list! OH FUCK, CAN YOU EVEN WAIT THAT LONG, OR ARE YOU GOING TO CRYOGENICALLY FREEZE YOURSELF UNTIL IT COMES OUT, WALT DISNEY STYLE?

Honourable Mentions: Step-Panther (Parallel) Solid Dad (Kewl December), Jack Ladder (Her Hands), Andras & Oscar (Looking Back), Babaganouj (Bluff), Disgusting People (I Wanna Ctrl Alt Delete My Life), The Stevens (Thirsty Eye), GL (Won’t You See), Wives (Buried), Day Ravies (Hickford Whiz) Dead Set Ledger (Buddy’s Kickin’ Screwies on the SCG).

20. Miss Destiny – The One

A lambasting surge of sound from Melbourne’s Miss Destiny, this song is like Courtney Love being thrown in a blender whilst The Donnas and The Darkness throw down.

19. White Hex – Paradise

White Hex released a badass synth record earlier this year, ‘Gold Nights’. Dangerous seduction was the game, the kind that Michael Douglas would engage in, and White Hex won. Jimi Kritzler, former Slug Guts member, also released a fantastic book this year, “Noise In My Head”, but “Paradise” makes a case for being Kritzler’s no. 1 achievement of 2014.

18. Bachelor Pad – Fried

Bachelor Pad’s garage rock enthusiasm is irrepressible – it is actually impossible to stop them. Sounding like the bratty, cone-smoking kid of Ty Segall, “Fried” is as infectious as those warts that have started collecting themselves between your legs.

17. Postblue – Ugly

Poison City Records had a fuckn’ year didn’t they? Between the release of The Smith Street Band, The Bennies and re-releasing old Screamfeeder records, they found time for Postblue’s “Ugly”. On a record that’s full of affable, catchy rock tunes, Postblue especially stuck out on “Ugly”, an early Jebediah track that went through the digestive system of Steve Albini.

16. Total Giovanni – Human Animal

“Human Animal” makes me do weird things with my arms, but I like it.The bastard child between Daft Punk and LCD Soundsystem, Total Giovanni have a feverish cult of personality surrounding their music. It’s alluring, funky-as-swinging-leather-pants music that PT Anderson wished was around for the soundtrack of ‘Boogie Nights’.

15. Nun – Evoke the Sleep

Easily the most ferocious synth-punk released this year, Melbourne’s Nun provided a storming debut LP earlier this year. “Evoke the Sleep” makes the case for these guys to be considered amongst the likes of DEVO and Depeche Mode.

14. Old Mate – Requesting Permission

On the more heart-breaking end of the scale, there’s Old Mate. A member of Bitch Prefect, Pat Telfer’s “Requesting Permission” will make you start jabbering about all the random dust that’s flown in within the last 30 seconds.

13. Hockey Dad – I Need A Woman

South Coast-muzzas Hockey Dad provide a slab of feel-good surf rock that’s lathered affectionately in pop and fuzz, drives school-girls crazy, and is really fucking great. Hockey Dad just need to stop wearing their damn trousers so low, and they’ll be well on their way to success.

12. Dorsal Fins – Monday Tuesday

Pop music so good Madonna would want to rip it off. Beginning with urgent piano and stomping bass, Dorsal Fins turn things into up a dramatic notch for an 80’s singalong straight from the stolen brain of Debbie Harry.

11. Bad//Dreems – Dumb Ideas 

When the opening notes of “Dumb Ideas” ring out, it becomes fairly obvious that Bad//Dreems are going to provide another stomper of a track. A flippant flipping off, “Dumb Ideas” is a confident, surly piece of rock that Angus Young would want to call his own.

10. Liam Kenny – I’m The Ocean 

Fairs fair, when you’re covering Neil Young, you’re headed straight to the top of a best-of list. But when Liam Kenny (Peak Twins, Bitch Prefect, The Friendsters, Roamin’ Catholics) does it, it turns into a squalling guitars, and heart-clutched vocals.

9. Tempura Nights – R.I.P Chix

Brisbane’s on a roll right now, with Velociraptor, DZ Deathrays, Babaganouj and Major Leagues all kicking major goals this year with releases and singles. But Tempura Nights, a lil’ suprgroup, kicked the most amount of ass with “R.I.P Chix” a sweet garage sprinkled with Deal sister guitar and the kind of head noddin’ you’d expect from a Brissy pop band.

8. Peter Bibby – Hates My Boozin’

Peter Bibby is a moper amongst mopers, a bloke who paints his own portrait with a bottle constantly in one hand and an impossibly perfect rolled cigarette in the other, carefree and full of whimsy on the outside, but burning up within.

7. King Single – Restart Newstart Allowance

A certain Bare Grillz/Lenin Lennon member changed things up by providing gorgeous guitar-pop and glassy drum sounds that create only one reaction in all within earshot: *SWOON*.

6. Richard In Your Mind – Hammered

Richard In Your Mind say it best when they swing drunkenly upon the line “Me and my baby get hammered in the daytime”. From their latest record ‘Ponderosa’, it’s a honeyed trip into the tastily warped senses of Richard In Your Mind.

5. The Harpoons – Unforgettable

As far as breaking up goes, no one seems to have hit it on the head harder than The Harpoons. What a bunch of sultry crooners! It’s a jam that’s part Caribou, part TLC, and part doe-eyed wistfulness that feeds upon your heart like a piranha of romantic longing.

4. FLOWERTRUCK – I Wanna Be With You

Speaking of romantic longing, the best band that seemingly came out of nowhere was FLOWERTRUCK. Bursting forth from the same scene that’s brought Big White, High-tails, and New Lovers, FLOWERTRUCK make the descriptor ‘infectious’ cower in fear. They’re Sydney’s own version of Blank Realm. If David Byrne and Bryan Ferry exploded into fit of joyous crooning, amid slashing puffs of synth and guitar, it’d be about as great as this.

3. Donny Benet – The Edge. Feat Kirin J Callinan

Donny Benet. The man. The legend. The myth. There ain’t nobody like this feller in the universe, mainly because there can only be one moustache-weilding, impressively groomed prince of seduction in the world. It’s a Highlander thing. On, “The Edge” Kirin J Callinan and the Don do battle over five minutes of exhausting sexual healing.

2. Weak Boys – Hangovers

“Hangovers” sort of set the staple for what my 2014 was, along with many other budding attendees of whatever Inner West domain Weak Boys have been fortunately dominating. I’ve listened to this song more times than I’ve asked for a jug of Resch’s at the Lansdowne. My intimidatingly large beer belly nods in agreement.

1. Constant Mongrel – New Shapes

In 2014, no single came close to the grisly terror imagined on Constant Mongrel’s “New Shapes”. Melbourne’s most ferocious unleash a bass-driven hellscape that indulges primal and carnal desires. As far as finale’s go, Constant Mongrel went for an ending more taut, nail-biting and mentally draining than the conclusion of ‘Heat’. A blood-caked knuckle-duster ride into a starved post-punk oblivion, “New Shapes” is the kind of thing post-apocalyptic hero would throttle in their car as they ravaged a scorned landscape in survival mode.

Top 10 Australian Albums of 2014 (So Far…)

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There have been an orgy of new Aussie releases this year that have tickled the chin of genius, and caused her many rolls of fat to quake in laughter. But there have been a few that have genuinely succeeded in being goddamn masterpieces. These, are those records:

10. TIED: Nathan Roche-Magnetic Memories + Shrapnel-Tobacco Dreams

I honestly couldn’t decided between these two works of art. One is a laid back bible on whatever happened to come into Nathan Roche’s mind when he strummed the chords, and the other is a deceivingly simple collection of pop songs that make Mac DeMarco look like a rookie. But both Nathan Roche and Shrapnel exceed in making unique statements with their albums that few Sydney bands, indeed Australian bands, could think up over years of training.

9. Rat & Co-Binary

The second album from Rat & Co is a sonic tapestry, something that combines the past with the future extraordinarily easily. Rat & Co cover a million different varieties and spices on this album, from lush synths and haunted child samples in ‘Vocal Insanity’ to the glacial ‘Calculated Movements I, II and III’. But ‘Binary’ remains a solid fixture of the Rat & Co thesis of creating beats that’ll surpass the band. Hopefully, when aliens dig up this civilisation in millions of years, they find this album instead of the new Lana Del Ray record.

8. HTRK-Psychic 9-5 Club

The HTRK story is a tortured one, but that’s probably what helped them to become the strong and identifiable unit they are today. HTRK’s new record moves in honeyed and dance-worthy directions. Although rife with the kind of saddening lyrics that are expected from a HTRK record, ‘Psychic 9-5 Club’ is infinitely less abrasive as previous material, and allows itself to be, dare I say, accessible. Songs such as ‘Blue Sunshine’ ring with an allure that is insanely gorgeous, and create a mystical atmosphere around this record that can’t be overstated.

7. Ernest Ellis-Cold Desire

The first record that introduced me to Ernest Ellis is, by far, also one of the greatest pieces of dramatic indie rock I’ve heard in years. Both intimate and expansive, Ernest Ellis manage to combine the blue collar poeticism of bands like The War on Drugs and Kurt Vile, with the grandness of U2. Akin to their touring mates Shining Bird, Ernest Ellis pull you into their album like your tumbling headfirst down a waterfall of happiness. If only my similes were half as good as the music on this album.But seriously, listen to ‘Black Wire’, your life will change.

6. Dune Rats-Dune Rats

Dune Rats sure did deliver on their debut album. After a couple EP’s and countless cockteasing, the guys who were previously most famous for this have gone n done a full LP. Full of the kind shit that made us fall in love with them in the first place, the album is a singles fest of fun, riotous tunes meant to be shouted back at the band at a show where there’s more joints than people.

5. Bachelor Pad-Dooming Out

Bachelor Pad are literally made of good times. It’s in their blood. If you cut open Huw, you’d get an overdose of fun-fumes and bongwater instead of blood. They’ve packed all that awesomeness into an album ready made to be the go-to party starter. Even if you’re an accountant that works for Telstra, you’ll be able to enjoy this album. Just listen to ‘Fried’, ‘Movin’ On’ or ‘Let Me Go’ and for a few minutes, everything will be centred around total, unobstructed gewd times.

4. White Hex-Gold Nights

Think of a scenario in which Depeche Mode are dipped in a vat of boiling acid, and their steaming carcass’ are used as the bare bones for a revolutionary dark-pop project out of Melbourne, half-headed by one of the guys from noise enthusiasts Slug Guts. White Hex’s second record ‘Gold Nights’ is exactly that, thudding synth work shuddering against shimmering walls of noise and breathless vocals from the amazing Tara Green. The results in this album are simply stunning, the kind of thing Robert Smith wished he’d invented.

3. Straight Arrows-Rising

Although this album hasn’t even officially come out yet, it’s been a steadfast go-to listen for the past month or so. Every time I need something to pick me up before going out, and I’m all Sabbath-ed out, I’m hitting up ‘Rising’ instantly. Packed with tunes that get the blood pumping and the genitals,, you guessed it, rising, the record could not be a better successor of Straight Arrows’ debut.

2. Nun-Nun

Another self-titled debut effort has cracked the Top 10. Man, I’m just fucking crazy, aren’t I? Anyway, the first LP (of hopefully many) from the Melbourne synth-punkers is a shock to the system on par with having Alice Cooper break into your house and throw a toaster in your bathtub. The songs on here range from far-out schizophrenic jams, to tight and ugly lil’ ravers that get up in your face like the most bratty kid imaginable. Overall, the record is unabashedly hectic and unforgettable.

1. Blank Realm-Grassed Inn

So, the best album of this shithole years so far, in my own humble opinion, is Blank Realm’s purple-glazed ‘Grassed Inn’. They created a pop masterpiece, and I will challenge anyone who disagrees to a jelly fight in a bathtub. I say that knowing the full consequences of uttering such a profound statement, but I stand by it. The tracks on this album have been mumbled under my breath on the train so many times, I think they’ve surpassed Madonna’s ‘Like A Prayer’. Every tune has a poignance and impressionability that surpasses almost every other pop release of the past couple years. The fact that the lyrics are heartbreaking and honest, and Blank Realm come from humble Brisbane beginnings is just a major, major plus. Goddamn, if you have a soul, you will spend the rest of your days listening to this album.

Top 5 Records w/ Bachelor Pad

For the fuck-all of you following my rarely updated shenanigans on Facebook, I’m starting a new fucking feature! I’m rounding up a bunch of my favourite bands/labels/heroes of Australia, giving them a theme, and telling them to collect their Top 5 Records into that theme. What’s that? Well yes, I did just finish ‘High Fidelity’ by Nick Hornby. Fuckin’ ripper of a book. Why do you ask?

The first band to kick off the precedings is local heroes Bachelor Pad. This is a band that does not give one singular fuck. They’re so young they reckon Nazis were a bunch of wankers from the first Captain America movie, but they’ve got enough spunk, good looks and mullets to make up for that.

Seeing them live is an experience unto itself as well; you’re guaranteed to see some instruments get a bashing, some gurgling, shouted vocals, and onstage antics that would make a drunken Ozzy Osbourne scream blushing obscenities in an effort to outdo these young guns.

But what’s most important is that Bachelor Pad have perfected the craft of the simple garage rock song. They bash it out in a couple minutes (only one song from their debut album, ‘Dooming Out’, exceeds 3 minutes) but every single one of the tracks is packed to the brim with killer hooks and fantastic chorus’.

Bachelor Pad are one of my favourite Sydney bands, so I’m stoked that they will open up this new feature. Cheers mates!

Theme: Young, Dumb, and Full of Cum

Cumstain: Hurry Up and Kill Yourself…

I know this list is called ‘Young, Dumb & Full of Cum’ and it seems awfully clichéd to include a band called Cumstain on said list but…they are called Cumstain. Cumstain. Let that sink in. Like an actual Cumstain. Also the album’s full title is ‘Hurry up and Kill Yourself You Scum Bag Trust Me Your Mother Won’t Miss You’. They manage to fit 12 short sharp power pop jams about mutual masturbation, unprotected sex and the sweet, sweet single life onto a one-sided LP that was released by the most excellent Burger Records. Also did I mention the dude doesn’t wear pants on stage? Cumstain are probably ya new favourite band.

Beastie Boys: License To Ill

Someone once said that License to Ill was the original gangster rap album (or OG rap album to you and me) as it contains enough references to gun violence, impassioned sex and alcohol abuse to make Ice Cube blush. Whether or not you choose to believe this is up to you. The cold hard fact of the matter is that somehow three snotty ex-hardcore punks managed to make one of the landmark rap albums of the 1980s. To fully understand the shear amount of classroom fooling that appears on the album you have to remember that the original title for the album was ‘Don’t Be a Faggot’. That should give you an accurate idea of how high-brow this record is.

Razar: Stamp Out Disco/Taskforce 7”

Emerging from the same oppressive swamp that birthed a multitude of amazing bands like The Saints, The Riptides, Regurgitator and Custard, Razar released two EPs and then completely disappeared. The aforementioned swamp is of course 1970s Brisbane. Joh Bjelke-Petersen ruled the sunshine state with a corrupt, iron fist for 19 long years. Thankfully Australian punk rock rose like a glorious phoenix out of the conservative quagmire and produced some of the most vitriolic music ever committed to tape during this period. I would highly recommend reading Andrew Stafford’s excellent ‘Pig City’ which chronicles the rise and rise of the Brisbanus music scene.

UV Race: s/t LP

This record is so gloriously stupid that to write about how stupid it is would defeat the point. If you’re not familiar with the music of The UV Race then pull ya head outta whatever encyclopaedia you’re reading and get acquainted. And yes I did need to spell check encyclopaedia, and do you know why? Because I’m proud to be the lowest common denominator. I am someone who gets bummed out waiting for the train or whose mind goes blank when staring at pretty girls. These are the problems that The UV Race write about in their blissfully simple and catchy punk tunes. Not everyone can save the world like that fuck knuckle Bono so why bother trying.

Redd Kross: Born Innocent

Redd bloody Kross. Where to begin? These guys began when they were in middle school (whatever the fuck that is) and are the anti-Beach Boys. Although sharing a home town and an affinity for harmonies, Redd Kross’ snotty take on early Californian hardcore couldn’t be further from the strains of ‘Help Me Rhonda’. During the band’s early stages, they shared members with other bands like Black Flag and The Circle Jerks. The song ‘Cover Band’ has the same riff as The Circle Jerk’s track ‘Live Fast, Die Young’. Regardless, the amount of snot contained in this record is enough to warrant a sick day.

 

Buy Bachelor Pad’s amazing records right here!

February Playlist

February: Valentine’s Day, and the shortest month of the year. If February were in jail, it’d be December’s bitch. This wussy piece of shit has done nothing except for produce a couple of damn fantastic tracks. Why can’t we just get rid of February?

Make sure you get behind the Client Liaison, War on Drugs and Blank Realm. Why? Because these tracks will make you want to lead a better life, and apologise to that grandma that you beat up the other week. Suddenly ‘Falling Down the Stairs’ has a really dark ring to it, doesn’t it?

1. Client Liaison-Free of Fear

2.Cloud Control-Scar

3. Damaged Bug-Photograph

4. Trabajo-Black Practice

5The Slits-I Heard It Through the Grapevine

6. Blank Realm-Falling Down the Stairs

7. Bachelor Pad-Movin’ On

8. Phantogram-Fall In Love

9. Young Franco-Brooklyn

10. Scenic-Ride the Thrill

11. Wave Racer-Streamers

12. Run the Jewels-Pew Pew Pew (feat. DJ QBert)

13. Liars-Mess on A Mission

14. Wet Blankets-TV Suicide

15. Teenage Hand Models-We Can Find A Way to Fuck It Up

16. The War on Drugs-Red Eyes

17. Natural Child-Saturday Night Blues

18. Kurt Vile-Freak Train

19. Real Estate-Talking Backwards

20. Surf Dad-Unholy (featuring Camille Foley)

Album Review: Bachelor Pad-Dooming Out

Bachelor Pad, that garage band from Sydney. There hasn’t been a sentence with so much synonymous debauchery attached to it since the last time Ozzy Osborne decided to go to Las Vegas.

They’ve been kicking around for quite a while now, with their melodic yet scrummy garage rock hooking anyone close enough to be within earshot. They’re brand is friendly like those American indie-fuzz bands like Philistines, Diarrhea Planet and Roomrunner, but there’s a punk edge to them that increases the attraction to jizzworthy levels. Imagine if John Dwyer fronted a Sydney-based Murder City Devils featuring members of The Gooch Palms? That’s the kind of shit that Bachelor Pad bring to mind, and its such an orgasmically holy thought, it almost makes me want to keel over and vomit.

Now, onto the album in question ‘Dooming Out’. Although they’ve got two other ‘albums’ worth of material, this one is being considered their debut. Because fuck maths. Hey, I never passed that course in high school, so who am I to argue. Anyway, this shit is fucking off chops. You know when a record starts off with an orgasmic little surf rock riff, indulges itself into a smorgasbord of fuzz, and then lyrically starts with “Yeah my girl, doesn’t know I exist”….well, basically, its hard to remain a cynical dick about something so fucking geared towards everything that resonates with me.

But personal tastes aside, Bachelor Pad have put out a damn fine garage rock record worthy of all the praise that I’m about to heap on it. This isn’t just another jizz-worthy article of fuzz and reverb over topics like girls, beer and fucking up. Instead, its a jizz factory. There’s ballads, there’s punk rock blitzkriegs and there’s mindless drone-alongs made for shaking your long hair back and forth because you’re such a fucking rebel. Its a beautiful thing to witness as track after track amps you up even further, like some sort of ten course meal that forces you to keep eating until you’re a bloated and delighted twisted image of your former self.

Bachelor Pad rule for the simple reasons that their songs are both short ‘n’ sweet rock jams, and they never overstay their welcome. And the best one’s are perfectly resonating with the kind of inner city loser that I myself happen to be. ‘Fried‘ is a fun-as-fuck jam that beats around the bullshit in approximately a minute and a half, with the main message being, ‘fuck it, life sucks, let’s get fried’. ‘Let Me Go’, a slightly longer track that cracks over the two minute mark, is a robust, Ramones-like jam that goes heavy on the chorus and crashing cymbals, a purpose-built shout along sassy track that would make a heavy-metal version of Destiny’s Child blush with shame. And then there’s ‘Moving On’, a track that recalls the best era of Wavves and Times New Viking. Just a super fun track that is actually dripping with misery about the inevatable moment where you’re the only kid who hasn’t grown out of bongs and still refuses to get a ‘proper’ job.

Between these tracks that are, believe it or not, basically the longest on the record, there are a whole bunch of punk flurry’s that get in and out of your face with the sort of musings that made The Ramones famous. They’re young ‘n’ dumb anthems with titles like ‘I Love Cops’, ‘Spag’ and ‘Greasball’. These short little bits of wondrous fuckery are just a testament to the message of Bachelor Pad. And that message is Fuck It, with a capital F. Fuck getting old, fuck uni, fuck everything that doesn’t contain traces of dangerous amount of exhilaration. And that, my friends, is how a fucking record should be.

Buy the record right here and right now, at Bachelor Pad’s Bandcamp. While you’re at it, get their previous two albums that apparently aren’t albums. AND, although you’ve missed the album launch, Bachelor Pad are playing at FBi Social on Thursday, 23rd of Jan, along with The Fighting League and Yard Duty. Amazeballs.

Video: Bachelor Pad-Fried

Guess what? Bachelor Pad have a debut album coming out in January. And guess what even more? They have a single/video for it out right now? And guess what even more, even more? It’s so fucking amazing, your head is going to fucking explode.

That’s right. Fucking explode. ‘Fried’ delivers optimum results for such a task-fuzzy guitars careening into your skull, an wall of electricity just pounding away, and a chorus that screams with a sentiment we’ve surely all been through! It’s brilliance!