The other day, I’m at the pub, chewing on a Resch’s and hating myself, when I hear some bloke from the other end of the bar utter these blasphemous words: “Yeah, nah, look, punk’s dead, mate”. I look down, full of shame and pity, harrowed to the bone. When all of a sudden, I’m inspired by the iTunes artwork of “Nerd Holocaust” by Brisbane’s WOODBOOT (it should be mentioned that when you’re drinking at the pub by yourself, it’s best to chuck in your earphones and stare at your iPod, so it looks like you might actually have the mirage of a social life). An epiphany strikes me like one of Zeus’ bolts. I’ve been shot through the heart, and WOODBOOT are to blame. Sure, I could tap the bloke on the shoulder, and engage in a friendly debate on the merits of punk’s existence roughly 30 – 40 years after its inception. Or I could re-enact the front cover of my new favourite punk album, and bludgeon the shit out of some unlucky bastard, whilst yelling “PUNK IS ALIVE AND WELL, LISTEN TO WOODBOOT YA DAFT FUCK!”. I’m recreating the bloodiest scene from Drive, (Gosling = Saar), and entrails fly across the walls like a teenager emptying their guts after a six pack of cruisers. I stand – triumphant, ecstatic, victorious – a copycat killer motivated by a punk record as vicious as my crime. Now, I’m sitting in prison, facing life with no parole, orange jump suit still reeking of death.
That story is complete shit, but if there were a new record out there that could inspire a violent murdering spree, it’d be WOODBOOT’s CRIME TIME. There aren’t too many records like this in Aus anymore, who place extremity over everything. I don’t mean extreme in terms of literal action, like a black metal band burning down a church, or GG Allin pissing and shitting his way through a set. I mean it in the sense that WOODBOOT care about one thing – inciting a reaction, which they achieve violently. CRIME TIME charges for its running length, and constantly finds new ways to keep injecting the listener with excitement. Punk records have a habit of burning out, but WOODBOOT churn with intent, on a mission to seek out that one kid in a million and push them to their most bombastic state possible.
Songs like “Nerd Holocaust”, “Suicide Solution” and “I’m Gonna Push You In Front of A Car” channel that classic punk snarl that made bands like The Victims, Dead Boys and Angry Samoans. Any fat is trimmed so that only the barest, bloodiest, and unrelenting of sounds remain, chainsaw guitars coupled with the sort of stabbing shouts that define release. After finishing with CRIME TIME, there isn’t just exhaustion, but buckets of sweat and the need to find even more punk music that sounds exactly as brutal as this. If you’re in need of a musical enema, to clear out all the shit clogging up your record collection, do yourself a favour and chuck on WOODBOOT.
You can grab CRIME TIME for a name-your-price download, or you can grab the record from your local.