I wrote this article about two weeks ago, then forgot to print it. Does that make me an asshole? Yes. Does it make these bands any less awesome, just because their music is technically not ‘new’? No, you elitist pig! So listen to the fuzz that killed Caesar.
Bass Drum of Death-Black Don’t Glow
Is there such a thing as too much Bass Drum of Death? No, because Bass Drum of Death never fail to be a riveting fucking band to listen to. They’re prepared to turn you into a nervous wreck that feeds off garage rock, a weird kind of drug addict that needs an overblown tower of fuzz and solos that make the Ramones look like a bad Bon Jovi cover act. Who knows why ‘Black Don’t Glow’ didn’t get onto their new-ish record, it’s a badass song and makes me want to go out and hang out on the docks of Boston and start a bickering argument with an Irish gangster.
The Panduhs-Rock N’ Roll
One of the main ingredients of Rock n Roll is simplicity. Elvis basically fucked the air, sold a billion records, and got to bang a 16 year old. Hunx and His Punx, Shannon and the Clams and NoBunny also follow that formula to a T, minus the billions of records and pedophilia. But at least their making damn cool rock n roll music! Another band to add to that list is The Panduhs, which still holds that weird croak that Hunx has, and the ramshackle, neon Lego building blocks of guitar melody that hold the song together. Damn, if you don’t think this is catchy, get your ass back to the demon cage in Sector 14. B of the Douchebag District.
Boy Germs-Teenage Hipster
I go on quite a bit about hipsters on this website, because I’m a dickhead that can’t turn his outward hatred into self-examination and come to terms with his obvious insecurities. HA! But anyway, look forward to some snotty, bratty Bleeding Knees Club-akin surf punk from Brisbanizers Boy Germs. It’s pretty cool track, and comes in at 2.22 minutes, which is exactly a third of 666. METAL! SLAYER! LET’S BURN A CORPSE!
FFNORDZZ–It’s A Hit!
Now, for the final nail in the coffin of all terrible music everywhere, it’s FFNORDZZ Himself. How the fuck is this shit not on Burger Records? The summer-time pop that sounds like it was ripped from Gorburger’s asshole is right up their ally. It’s simplicity rings like early Ty Segall, right around the period he was pining on tracks like ‘The Drag’. FUCK YEAH!