You A Stupid Hoe!-An Essay

Nicki Minaj is one of the most popular, sought after and talented professionals in contemporary popular music today. Yes, you read that right, I did just call Nicki Minaj, the woman that looks like one of the muppets, a talented individual. I mean, and although this does go against one of my core beliefs and my conspiracy theory persona that the corporations control everything, she wouldn’t be one of the highest selling artists if she didn’t have an ounce of talent. She may not have much (let me rephrase that: all of her talent is located in her arse, literally) but she does have some, and she is revered the world over as one of the best females in hip-hop/R’N’B music in the past 60 years. No, I’m not squandering the talents of people whom the music industry respects, such as Janis Joplin, Whitney Houston, The Du-ets, and (<3) Beyonce, but it is an undoubted fact the Nicki Minaj is a formidable force, and is here to stay, at least for the next 2-3 years, until some new found trend with German robot folk-trance becomes the next big music fetish.

Unfortunately for some, this is where my praise of Nicki Minaj stops dead in it’s tracks. You see, Nicki Minaj represents a recent plague and step back in general feminine rights and respectability for women in the music industry. For a long time, and I do mean a long time, women’s rights were generally inclining and were somewhat becoming equal in terms of respect and a selling point in reference to men’s music, or music made by and for a male demographic. To understand how hard this must have been to accomplish, remember that almost all genres were dominated by men, and women were usually laughed out of existence. Can you imagine an all-female KISS in the 80’s, singing about ‘Rock and rolling all night, and partying every day’, whilst pointing at their ‘Loveguns’ and sticking out their tongues? They would have been laughed off stage. No, there was a time when women couldn’t, regardless of dedication or talent, infiltrate the music industry of male genres. There was a very limited representation of women in punk, metal, alternative, and rock in general. Sure, you had the exceptions: Joan Jett, Patti Smith, Nico from the Velvet Undergound etc.but there still wasn’t mass representation. Women were expected to submit to gender roles absolutely, despite the rise in feminism, and a slow development into popular culture and the work force.

Anyway, this all changed with the over sexualisation of culture, also known as, kids getting horny as fuck. When sex became huge, women in music had a tool they could exploit, hanging their vaginas over men as a resource for getting shit done. With the power of sex, talent began to infiltrate the music mainstream, and the first real pop stars were born, who were independent of a male status and regulation. Women began to make songs for women, and not just about dumb, stereotypical ‘women’ shit, like shopping or stuff, but about their importance in society and showing the gratitude they felt they needed and represented for all the hard shit they’d been put through. For the first popular time, in the 80’s (in my opinion anyway), woman were truly appreciated and set apart in the music industry, for the talent that they possessed and wanted to show off. You had your mainstreams like Madonna, Cyndi Lauper, Blondie, and Pat Benatar in pop music, girls who had always been there, but were now making millions, and you also had a rise in women’s presence in rock, from Siouxse Sioux from Siouxsie and the Banshees, to Heart, Stevie Nicks and an early stage of Kim Gordon in the up and comers Sonic Youth. Then things progressed into the 90’s, where shit just fucking took off, and a whole feminism movement took hold, entitlement becoming the name of the game, and an independent status truly taking the music industry by the balls. ‘FUCK MEN’ was a phrase that wasn’t out of place, and some bands like L7, Garbage, The Breeders and Veruca Salt were totally fucking shit up by themselves and giving a much needed womanly presence to combat the bullshit of 80’s glam rock from atrocities like Motley Crue, Poison and Bon ‘I belong in a morgue of plastic and hair-product’ Jovi.

But where did it all go to shit? Yes, this is the point where I start to serve shit back to Nicki Minaj (thank fuck). Actually, who knows? It’s not that there’s been any sort of lacking in female stars who are good role models in music recently, between the 90’s and now. Arcade Fire, one of the biggest in the indie rock movement, centres around a woman. Florence + The Machine revolves around Florence Welch. Australia’s own Sia is a huge pop star, and is definitely not a whore. So why does an artist like Nicki Minaj rule the air waves? Who fucking knows. But she’s a wench that should be destroyed in a bath of fire. I mean, anyone that actually uses some of the stupidest lyrics imaginable should be shot down with something resembling a missile. These are some quotes, yes, real quotes from her song, and I might add, huge radio hit, ‘Super Bass’: “That’s the kind of dude I was lookin’ for/And yes you’ll get slapped if you’re lookin’ hoe” “Can’t you hear that boom, badoom, boom, boom, badoom, boom, bass/ Yeah thats the super bass”. Is that not dyslexic? It doesn’t make any fucking sense. Are you really that material that you’ll refer to lust as the bass system of a club, and that the man you want in your life is a coke dealer? That’s totally fucked in the head, brah. But, but, but that’s just one song! Nicki fans will exclaim. Everyone has a shit song that they get the radio to play so that they can break through and really experiment with their art. OK, benefit of a doubt, here’s some lyrics from another hit ‘Starships‘….no, it’s better if I explain it, because lyrics don’t really feature in the song. Instead, we’re treated to someone who’s being strangled, and their last words are ‘Higher than a motherfucker’ before a bass beat drops into the bridge. Also, Nicki wants you to know she’s from ‘the street’ and wants to chuck a Tyler, The Creator, so she randomly spouts jibberish like “Jump in my hooptie hooptie hoop, I own that” and ” Now everybody let me hear you say ray ray ray/Now spend all your money cause today’s pay day/ And if you’re a G, you a G, G, G/ My name is Onika, you can call me Nicki”. Honestly, does anyone in the entire world have a fucking clue what that means, or did she have a stroke in the recording booth, and start skipping like a scratched CD. Like the song Starships, Nicki is from outer space (yeah…what…that’s called a diss…motherflipper…can I get a yeah?)

When Nicki Minaj emerged onto the music scene she was like a warped Azaelia Banks. She had talent, she could rap, she knew how to make some music you could dance to, she was blessed with some good looks, and she was fucking weird, which is always good in music, and keeps everything fresh. Instead, she found out she could sell more to dumbfuck 12 year olds who will do anything the Top 40 tell them to, and reverted into the ultimate, whorebag cliche. Instead of being a standout for females in music, she levelled herself to the likes of Rihanna, Lady Gaga and every other pop star who’s sold out in the last 20 years. She used her looks and the promises of sex in her songs to sell herself, and now it’s too late to revert. She looks like a fucking one-espressioned disco ball, showered in glitter and products. I’m actually unsure if she’s a 100% real human being or if she’s just been covered in so much stuff that she has become a nonexistent sentient ball of coloured shit that rolls around accidentally making music, by bumping into various musical devices. Unlike the actual pop stars, who used sex as a device to then show off their talent and pave a way for women in the music industry, Nicki Minaj is just another example of the women who are squandering this privilege, lowering the respect for women in music, and generally fucking up everything their forewomen (I don’t know, is that a thing) ever tried to do. Sex sells, but wouldn’t it be better if she made real music that wasn’t a series of blips and references to fucking everything with a pulse and her own arse?

Basically, what I’m trying to say is….can Nicki Minaj stop making music, and leave the industry to bands that talk about surfing and other relevant things chock up the airwaves? Dune Rats. I want to hear more Dune Rats instead of ‘Starships’ and ‘Beauty and the Beat’.

I was told to write this by my mate Seb, who drunkenly told me I should bag out Nicki Minaj for 1000 words. Thanks Seb.

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